


But it's not what you think

by Imaliar1



Category: South Park
Genre: Heiman, Jealous Kyle, Kyman - Freeform, Love Triangle, M/M, Treason, spitefulness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2020-01-29
Packaged: 2020-03-04 22:37:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 37,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18822166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imaliar1/pseuds/Imaliar1
Summary: Kyle hates Cartman forever, nobody can deny it. And that's probably the reason why he can't stand to see the fatboy so happy with a girl... Even though it seems like something else out of context, it's not what you think. Not at all.(I just wanted to specify that I'm french so there are possible mistakes in the text. Sorry for that. You can correct me to improve my English if you want ahah!)





	1. Unexplainable

Kyle Broflovski is a smart boy. Even when it's not about school work, he's pretty discerning. He's always analyzing a situation with a big concentration, he's able to think about it with a realistic point of view, and usually his reasoning is correct. When he doesn't understand something, he can try to find answers over and over again, he never gives up. And almost everytime he finally come to a solution. This is someone of rational.

But lately, something happened. Something that he can't definitely explain. Something he didn't expect and which is driving him crazy. Because for the first time for so long, he doesn't have any answer. Not even a clue. Because what happens to him doesn't make any sense, this is irrational and unbelievable. He tried to convince himself it wasn't real, but when he sees how much he's hurt by all this story, he can't deny the reality.

Everything started when he did a mistake. A huge mistake. Kyle make rarely mistakes, but this one, was the worse he ever made.

Someone was trolling the girls on the social medias, and absolutely everybody accused Eric Cartman. It was pretty logical, no one is more intolerant, disrespectful and cruel than him. He was also the only one enough stupid to do that kind of thing at school. But when we asked him, he said it wasn't true. It sounded like his usual acting, so nobody believed him. And Kyle was the first who suspected him, because he knows him almost better than anyone.

The point is, he was _so_ sure he was right. Because it's Cartman, he didn't think one minute about changing his mind. But that kind of idea doesn't look like Kyle, because he always try to dig deeper. During all his childhood he was mad at the fat boy because he denigrates people for their appearance, for cliché around their community or their reputation. And the redhead did exactly the same thing with him, without thinking about it more. And that was his mistake. Because actually, he was wrong. It wasn't Cartman. And when he found out the truth, it was too late.

And it wasn't the worse part. Kyle blamed himself so much for what he did, so he decided to apologize to Cartman. That's the moment when everything fell apart.

Cartman wasn't mad. He wasn't trying to get a revenge or using the situation to ask something horrible to Kyle. He could have done whatever he wanted, but he didn't. And instead of that, he seemed... happier. He was, actually. Because he had a girlfriend: Heidi Turner. With her, he stopped thinking about doing stupid plans for himself, and he started to be nicer, to focus on his relationship and nothing else.

 And then, something broke inside of Kyle. Everything has changed. Stan, Kenny and the other guys were just a little bit surprised, because someone like Cartman with a girl... was unexpected. But regarding Kyle, it wasn't just a surprise. It was... that thing he can't explain.

Cartman probably deserved what happened to him because he was a terrible person, so Kyle didn't have to feel guilty at this point. 

But it doesn't matter anyway, because the fat boy finally found happiness. He wasn't angry anymore. Actually he became exactly the person Kyle always wanted him to be. But it wasn't because of him, it was Heidi's work. And for some reason, he _hated_ this idea.

Plus, he realized that he prefers the old Cartman, the one who was an asshole, the one who insulted him everytime, who had genius and diabolic plans. Not this cheesy boyfriend always running after Heidi. Seeing them together was nauseous, and sad at the same time.

Yeah, that didn't make any sense. It was supposed to be a happy ending. But it wasn't...

"Dude, are you okay?" Stan's voice resounded onto his hears, tearing Kyle from his thoughts. He looked at his friend next to him in the cafeteria, and shook his head. to come back to reality.

"Uh... Yeah, I'm okay. What did you say?"

Stan frowned at him.

" I was talking about the English homework. Have you done it?"

_Homework..._

" We had English homework for today?" He asked, which made Stan even more surprised.

" Of course we had, dude. Don't you remember what the teacher said last time?"

The redhead tried to, but he was too absentminded to think about something so ridiculous...

" No, I don't."

" Wh-... Who are you and what have you done to my best friend?" Stan exclaimed.

" I said I'm okay, Stan." Kyle sighed.

"Yeah, well, you don't look like you are." He paused, trying to catch the redhead's eyes, but he was looking at his plate. " Seriously, Kyle, can you tell me what's wrong with you ? I feel like I'm with a ghost sometimes... I've never see you like that before."

" It's just... nothing. I'll get over it. I guess."

" Can you at least explain me what's going on?"

Kyle wanted to. But he wasn't even able to put words on what happened to him. He couldn't explain why he was so sad while everything ended in a good way. But Stan seemed really worried about him. And maybe, if he tried to talk about it, it'd make him feel better. So he opened his mouth...

"Actually, I'm-"

" Hey, guys! How are you doing?" A voice interrupted him immediatly. A voice that Kyle knows really well.

Cartman was standing in front of their table, with his 'fantastic' girlfriend, his black T-shirt "Token life matters" and his stupid smile frozen on his lips. Kyle wanted anything but seeing him right now.

" Hi, Cartman. Pretty good, and you?" Stan said friendly.

" Everything's alright. Do you mind if Heidi join us?" he questioned. Kyle raised his eyes on the boy, wishing he wasn't serious. But he was.

" Of course not, go ahead" Stan answered. His best friend was speechless. Since today, Cartman never invited her to eat with them, and it was the only thing that Kyle still appreciated. But now it was over.

The fat boy sat in front of Stan and Heidi in front of Kyle. Stan didn't care at all about the situation. He seemed even happy for Cartman finally. Why everyone was acting like it's a good thing except Kyle?

" So, what you guys were talking about?" Cartman wondered by starting to eat.

" Well, I was asking Kyle about the English homework."

" Oh yeah, I finished it one week ago."

Stan and Kyle stared at him, completely thunderstruck.

" What ? _You_ finished it one _week_ ago?" Kyle repeated.

" Yup, Heidi helped me and we've done it pretty quickly." Cartman explained.

" Wow, Heidi you're definitely a good teacher!" Stan chuckled. But Kyle didn't think it was funny at all.

" Not that much " she answered with a smile. " My babe understands really well and really fast. He's a smart boy."

" You're the smarter one" Cartman said with a tender look.

They started to fight gently about which one was the most intelligent. And Kyle wanted to kill himself. But like he couldn't, he decided to leave the table at least. He wasn't hungry, after all. But Stan couldn't help but speak.

" Well, maybe you can lend your work to Kyle so he can copy it. He forgot we had one."

The redhead glared at the raven-haired boy. How dare him?

" Really ? Kyle Broflovski forgot he had homework?" Cartman asked, visibly shocked.

" And you finished yours one week ago, we can say it's the world upside down." Kyle answered, with a little bit of sarcasm in his voice.

But instead of a scathing answer, Cartman and Heidi started to laugh together. They really looked like a couple we can see in the TV shows or romances, who are always happy for everything, as if the world was beautiful around them...

" You are right, Kahl" Cartman admitted when he turned more serious. "By the way if you want to copy me, it's not a problem. I owe you one with all the times you let me copy you."

" Actually, I never let you do that. You were copying me without asking me."

Cartman laughed once again.

" That's right. But don't worry, it'll never happen again. I promise."

This sentence sounded so unreal in Cartman's mouth... And Kyle have to admit that it was so usual for him to copy his homework... that it didn't bother him anymore. It was a part of him. And now it was gone.

The brunette searched in his backpack his homework and finally put it on the table. He smiled at Kyle gently.

" Go ahead, Kahl. Help yourself."

Kyle glanced at the notebook. He stood motionless during a few seconds. And he finally pushed it near Cartman.

" It's okay, I don't need this. I can do it myself." He took his own bag and raised from the table.

"Dude, where are you going ?" Stan asked worriedly.

" I'm going to do my English work. Happy ?"

Stan seemed a little bit disappointed. He clearly didn't understand why Kyle reacted that way.

"You don't want to finish your lunch first?"

" No. I'm not hungry anymore. See you guys."

And he leaved the cafeteria, knowing that three looks weighed on him. And trying to not caring about one of them...

He walked in the corridor and sat down on the floor against his locker. He took his English notebook and tried to work on it. _It shouldn't be that complicated_ , he thought. But he realized it was hard to concentrate. He couldn't help but think about the two lovebirds who were sitting next to each other at the cafeteria. Their glances, their smiles, their good mood... Why did it upset him like that ? What was wrong with Cartman being a nice person? Being in love... With someone else?

Absolutely nothing. He had to stop thinking about this and focus on his homeworks. Like he always did. But suddenly, some voices crossed the corridor. Kyle sighed. He wished he was alone...

He recognized Tweek's tone. He seemed angry.

" I don't want to have this conversation again " Craig's voice said.

"Yeah well, I do." Tweek answered.

The determination that the twitchy blonde expressed was pretty unusual. Since Craig is in his life, Tweek became really more selfconfident. Kyle noticed that and thought it was actually a good thing.

" How long do you expect to be mad at me, honey, huh ? Past is past, isn't it ?"

" You think it's that easy ? Gnh. Just s-saying 'past is past' and continue as nothing h-happened?"

" What do you want me to do ? Everything is back to normal, now, we don't have to think about it anymore."

"Actually, we have to. B-because now I know what you're c-capable of."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Craig, y-you picked a knife, you brought him in a l-lost little hut in the woods and broke all his stuff in front of him!"

Kyle was being more and more curious about what they were talking about.

" For the hundredth time, I wasn't alone! We were like... six boys in that hut and I've never heard you blaming one of them."

"Ghn. I'm not dating them. I'm dating _you_. Agh. And I asked you to not going out there, but y-you haven't listen to me." Tweek shouted.

"Babe, we all thought he was insulting girls on the Internet so we wanted to stop him. It wasn't a bad intention!'"

"Violence i-isn't a solution, Craig."

"Really ? That's how we met each other if you don't remember."

"And that time was a misunderstanding too, ghn. Y-you don't learn anything from your m-mistakes?"

"Oh God, are you seriously telling this to me?"

"Yes!"

"Cartman is the first person I know who never learnt anything from his mistakes, that's specifically the reason why we did it. An he did so many awful things, some of them against you, don't you remember?"

" He's not that guy anymore. Gnh. He'd ch-changed. For his girlfriend. And I would like you to do the same for me."

A short silence came after that. Kyle was deeply hurt by the last thing Tweek said. Of course this argument was sad to hear, but not as heartbreaking as this sentence. _He changed for his girlfriend._ It was a real fact, now.

 _"_ Are you implying I've never changed anything for you, Tweek ? Are you that blind ?" Craig wondered, suddenly pissed off. Kyle had never heard Craig wrathful. Even when they were in Peru, he was careless. 

"You're the only person I ever changed for." The raven-haired boy proclaimed. " I never cared about anybody before you. Even my own parents. The only thing that I could stand was Stripe because he couldn't speak. And then you arrived in my life. And for the first time, I tried to make an effort for someone. I tried to make you feel safe, to comfort you and to be here for you. It's a big change for me!"

This speech seemed to disturbed Tweek a little bit, because he hadn't answer yet.

"C-Craig, I didn't... I didn't want to say that-"

"I hope so." Craig interrupted. " Because if there is one thing our relationship brought me, it's change."

That was incredible. Kyle would never imagine Craig able to saying stuff like that. He's right, by the way. Tweek changed him a lot. He's more attentive, now. And more expressive. That was really cute... And it's the same with Cartman and Heidi. But Kyle doesn't think they're cute. There is something in their relationship that is not okay... not as touching as Tweek and Craig's story. Not touching at all.

" You didn't have to be violent with C-Cartman, though. Ghn." Tweek continued.

"Wh- I thought you hated that guy too, didn't you?" Craig reproached him.

"Of course I hated him but I would never imagine this is the kind of thing you would do when you're angry. Wh-what if you are angry against me someday, gnh, what I'm supposed to think ?"

" You're supposed to think that I would never hurt you, babe. I believed it was pretty obvious."

" Well it's not since w-what you did in those woods."

Craig sighed desperatly.

" Okay, hon', I guess that no matter what I say, it wouldn't change anything." Another silence. "So if you don't trust me anymore, there is nothing I can do about it. See you later."

Kyle heard Craig's footsteps in the corridor roll away. And a few seconds later he saw Tweek walking near him, staring at his feet. _Fuck_ , he thought. At the moment the blonde will see the other sitting against his locker, he'll guess he was listening all their argument. Their gazes met. Tweek stopped brusquely and started to twitch nervously.

" GAH! Kyle ! Wh-what are you doing here?" he asked.

"Er.. I- I was trying to do my homework" Kyle explained.

" You-You're here for a long time?" His eyes were anxious. Kyle bite his lower lip.

" Long enough" he confessed.

Tweek sighed.

" I see. I-I'm sorry for that little scene."

"It's okay, Tweek. You don't have to be sorry." Kyle smiled, trying to be reassuring. He hesitated a little bit before he added: " In fact I can say I understand you more than anyone."

" You do ?" He looked surprised. "B-but you were with him in that hut in the woods."

"Yeah, and I've noticed that I'm the only one who feel really guilty about this. Even Cartman doesn't care, and I just, I- don't get it." he mumbled, with a disappointed tone. He felt sadness invade him. " It's probably stupid but maybe... Maybe I was hoping he would've been more hurt by knowing I gave up on him."

His face turned red and he recovered his spirit. " I mean, that _we_ gave up on him."

Tweek was still staring at him with a strange look. " He was defnitely grieving because of all of you" he answered. "He just decided to stop whimpering and to evolve... I guess."

Kyle raised his eyes at Tweek and smiled. " I didn't know you cared about what he went through. He's been a real asshole with you."

Tweek shrugged. " I disagree with violence anyway. Ghn. And h-he's still your friend after all this time so I-I supposed he wasn't that bad deeply inside. And now we have the ultimate evidence you guys were right to believe in him."

 _Did I ever believe in him?_ Kyle asked for himself. This was a really nice speech from Tweek, although he wasn't sure what he said was real. Did they ever think Cartman could've been a good person, someday ? Maybe once or twice but he perfectly prove them wrong after. so that doesn't really count.

But that raise the question: why did he stay by his sides during all these years whereas he _knew_ he was a jerk?

Maybe because he wasn't just that. He's also really smart and strategical... And he has something... Unexplainable.

" I'm not sure I like the person he is, today" confessed Kyle piteously.

Tweek blinked. " Why ?"

Kyle pressed the back of his head against the metallic door behind him and frowned.

"I fucking don't know." he whispered.

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Sabotage

Kyle spend a pretty rough night. He was enable to sleep. He couldn't help but think again and again about that problem he haven't solve. That wasn't the first time he tortured himself because of Cartman, but usually it was to fix his stupid ideas before something really bad happens. But now, it was the contrary. He haven't done anything. For a long. And that was even more alarming.

He had to admit that lately, things turned to be kind of... boring. _Am I seriously thinking that life is boring without Cartman bothering me_?

Since kindergarten, Cartman has always been teasing and annoying with him. He insulted him of "stupid jew" "sneaky jew rat" or whatever. Ideas weren't lacking. But the point is, even though Kyle hated antisemistic and racist remarks, it made part of his daily life. Of Cartman. Of their relationship. A fight he had to lead everyday. Almost a reason to wake up, actually.

_Maybe that alone it doesn't make us friends but it make us something._

...

What does Heidi knows about that person ?

Definitely noting. And suddenly, something lit up in Kyle's mind. _Yeah.._ _She doesn't know anything about Cartman's past_ , he thought. _How would she react if she find out all the truth about him?_

Regarding this, he was the most informed. Wherever the fat boy was doing evil, Kyle was trying to stop him. This image made him smile in the dark, remembering all those moments between us...

That gave him an idea.

He jumped out of his bed and walked near his computer. There were still this website where we could see all the Internet's historic of everyone, and that would be a great asset. Then he started to print. A lot. Well, it wasn't really ecological, but it was for a good cause.

Hours passed, finally the sun raised, and it was time to go to school. So Kyle joined Stan to wait for the bus, a little bit relief. His best friend immediatly noticed it.

" Hey, Kyle, you look better, today" he said with a gentle smile.

" Yeah, I told you it was just a bad moment, but it's over now" Kyle explained.

" I'm glad to hear that. Hey, what about coming over tonight ? We could play some videos games, what do you think? We haven't do that for a while."

" Of course, why not ?"

He took a deep breath of pure air. Stan was right. He needed to relax, to have fun with his friends and to think about something else than this story. Anyway, when Heidi will know the truth, everything will go back to normal. Today was gonna be a good day.

After their first class, he tried to locate the girl in the locker room. He prepared all his plan from A to Z. He had to catch a moment where she wouldn't be with Cartman - which is pretty hard, actually. But the Tuesday morning, he had sport class so he takes a long time in the showers, as always. It would be the perfect time. Fortunately for Kyle, even though the fat boy is being 'nicer', there are still little things that haven't changed about him.

He saw the girl near her locker and walked near her.

" Hey, Heidi ! What's up?" he asked with a friendly face.

" Hi, Kyle. How are you?" she smiled. "Do you wanted to see Eric ? Because he's probably in the showers right now, so-"

"No, it's okay" Kyle interrupted. " Actually, I wanted to see you."

"Me ?"

She seemed a bit surprised. _You have no idea how much you'll be_ , Kyle smirked.

" Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about Cart- I mean, Eric, if you don't mind."

" Is everything alright?" She questioned worriedly.

" Yes, of course... I guess so. But, well, it's pretty hard but I thought you had to know about this."

" Okay... Go ahead."

" You know, Eric is my friend and I do care about him, but-"

" He really cares about you too" she answered soflty.

Kyle felt suddenly something weird in his stomach.

 _What_ ?

" Really ?"

" Yes, he talks a lot about you when we're together" She confessed.

 _Oh my God, what does he says_ ? Kyle's not even Cartman's best friend, he doesn't have any reason to talk about him that much. But... Does Kyle have enough reason to think about him that much ?

"Oh, I... I didn't know that" he muttered.

" Yeah and I probably shouldn't tell you that, but... he's a bit worried about you nowadays."

His eyebrows raised. Cartman ? Worried ?

" Why ?"

" He said you don't spend so much time together anymore. It makes him sad, apparently."

Kyle felt like he was gonna lose control of himself. _What the fuck ?_ How could he say that ? He was the one who stopped hanging out with him first, specifically because of the person right in front of him. He's totally responsible of their distance. What an hypocrite !

"It's... probably a lie, Heidi" He stuttered.

" Oh, Kyle... You don't seem to realize how warmhearted he is" Heidi declared with a sad look.

It was enough for Kyle. She went too far.

First, the fat boy hated him. It's an incontrovertible reality. So he doesn't care at all about spending time with him. Second,  _if_ it was true, Kyle betrayed him a few weeks ago, so it can't be possible that he still care about him, especially when they never really talk about this. Third, Cartman being _warmheart_ ? Please, nobody's enough naive to sincerely mean it! Except Butters, but still.

Kyle doesn't have to hear more from the girl.

"Okay. Okay, Heidi, do you really want  to know how _warmheart_ you boyfriend is? Do you?" he exploded.

She blinked.

"What do you mean?"

 He brought his backpack in front of him and started to search something in it. Then he took a filed as thick as Cartman himself from his bag and handed it to Heidi.

" Look at this."

"What is it ?"

" The integrality of the Internet's historic of Cartman, including articles about him in the papers. This is all what he did before you started dating. You'll see he's imply in some cases regarding delinquance and also trolling."

Heidi stared at Kyle's eyes with a defeated look.

"No, he would never do something like that."

"Well, I don't know who's the guy you're dating with, but I do know the one who's depicted in this filed, and they apparently have the same DNA. Deal with it."

And then he leaved the place with an angry walk. He was officially mad at Cartman.

 _He_ gave up on him. On everything he was. It was all his fault if they aren't so close anymore.

 

 

It took a long time before Kyle could finally calm down. _God damn it, he's the only one able to make me feel that way._

But things changed when lunch time ended and he had to join Stan in front of the school. Cartman appeared on his way. Kyle was afraid he figured out everything, but he didn't seem angry or something. When he saw the redhead, he just come to talk to him, like normal.

"Hey Kahl, have you seen Heidi ?' He wondered. " I didn't find her since this morning."

Kyle felt immediatly the guilt invading him. _She read it_. What's gonna happen to him when Cartman will know ?

But as a matter of fact, he did nothing wrong. At least, Heidi will know the truth about him and maybe it's just gonna renforce their relationship.

But Kyle didn't want that to happen... That's not the reason why he did it.

"Uh... No, dude, I haven't see her. Sorry." he answered, trying to be natural.

He wanted to be as serene as he could. It was out of question that the brunette noticed he didn't feel well.

" That's weird. She doesn't answer when I call her. I hope anything happened to her."

Kyle rolled his eyes.

" You know, Cartman, you don't have to be with her at every second of your life." He sighed with exasperation.

" Of course I have to. She's the love of my life" The fat boy answered.

 _Ugh._ Kyle seriously wanted to puke.

" Obviously..." he muttered.

But Cartman raised an eyebrow.

" Do you have any problem with me, Kahl?" he asked.

 _Fuck_. His attempt to look okay didn't work, visibly. He had to act better.

" No."

" Are you sure ? 'Cause you're kind of different, lately, to be honest."

Kyle felt something pinch his heart. _He_ was different ? Him ? God. Did he look at him in a mirror?

" I said _no_ , Cartman."

" So why are you mad at me ?"

" I'm not mad at you."

"Wow, it must be the first time" Cartman laughed.

Kyle bite his lower lip. He hesitated to talk about this but... He really wanted to.

" Cartman ? "

" Hm?"

He interrupted himself. What was he doing ?

 _Just tell him what you think, dude_ , he advised to himself.

" Honestly, I have to admit that... you've really changed a lot, since you're dating with Heidi. And I'm not sure I... I'm comfortable with the 'new you', now" he explained lowly.

Cartman seemed perplexed.

" ... Why ?"

 _Because it's not you_.

" I don't know" he answered. " I just know I'm not. I mean it's probably a good thing that you've improved yourself but for some reason, I... I don't feel it good, you know. It's weird."

He glanced at him and saw that  he looked a bit irritated.

" Okay. I got it"

Kyle frowns at him.

" What do you mean?"

"I finally understand why we'd never be real friends despite all our efforts." He said. _Efforts?_

" What? No I didn't mean-"

"Yes, you did. And you know why, Kahl ? Because no matter what I'd do, it'll always be wrong for you. The 'old me' was an asshole and the 'new me' is uncomfortable. You always accepted everyone for who they are, no matter their gender or their origins, you never stop talking about tolerance, acceptation and all this shit but you never accepted me. You never did this for me."

" You're unfair, dude. You and I both know you were an unforgivable jerk."

"Well, I'm not anymore. And it's still not enough for you. I don't think it's because I was a jerk, it's just because it's me."

" That's not true, I'm not-"

"So what the hell am I supposed to do to make you satisfied?" he shouted suddenly.

Their gazes met and Kyle felt his heart pounding harder in his chest, after that question. _God, if you only knew..._

But he couldn't definitely tell him. He didn't really know what was the real answer inside of him... He just knew that he wanted Cartman to be himself. Not that 'new' himself. The one he always knew, the one he always...

"I-"

But  words flew away from the redhead's mouth. His throat was tight and he wasn't able to tell the truth. It was too hard.

" I'm sorry" He finally said.

Cartman continued to stare at him and finally looked away.

" Me too." he sighed by leaving the hallway.

Kyle stood here for long minuts. He wanted to cry. He couldn't even explain why.

Cartman was wrong. He didn't understand... Actually, Kyle always accepted him for the selfish, manipulative and sociopathic fatass he were. Because even though he always disapproved him for what he did or said, he was still here.

But maybe it wasn't true anymore.

 

" I hope you don't mind, Butters wanted to come" The raven-haired boy told him.

 At the evening, Stan and Kyle find each other in front of Stan's TV to play a video game.

" No problem" Kyle answered.

"Hi guys!" greeted Butters while seating on the couch.

"Hi Butters" answered the two best friends together.

"So, the pizza is ready ? I'm so hungry!" The blonde complained.

"It shouldn't be long, now" Stan said. "I'm gonna check the oven."

He went to the kitchen, letting him with Kyle who were staring at his feet.

"How was your day, Kyle?"

"Fine..."

The blonde stared at the sad look of his friend. His smile disappeared.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

This time, Kyle saw red.

" _Stop_ asking me that !" He suddenly shouted. " I'm okay. Everything is okay. Now, shut up."

"O-okay. Sorry Kyle."

The redhead sighed deeply. Why Butters was always everyone's punching ball ? It wasn't fair. It wasn't his fault...

"No, Butters, I'm sorry. I shouldn't yell. I'm just... a little bit lost."

" It's okay, Kyle. You can talk to me if you want."

_Is that an impression or I talk to everyone about this except my best friend ?_

"I don't know what to say."

"Why are you lost ?"

"I don't know. Maybe because... I argued with Cartman."

" Cartman ?" Butters repeated. " I thought you two stopped to fight each other."

"Just because he changed doesn't mean his hate for me changed as well."

"Eric doesn't hate you, Kyle."

"Butters, you're a great guy, but you're really naive sometimes."

" So are you."

Kyle looked at the blonde. He didn't expect a retort from him. Especially him.

" So why did he never try to change for me? I mean, for us. Why did he never do any gentle thing for one of us ? And when Heidi arrived, he suddenly changed everything?"

Butters seemed surprised during a few seconds but he finally relax.

"Oh yeah, that's true. You don't know."

" What ? What are you talking about?"

" Well, I wasn't supposed to tell you but it was before Eric decided to be a better person. So I guess it's okay, now."

"Tell me- Tell me what ? Speak, Butters."

The blonde smiled at him.

"Eric was the one who saved your life in San Francisco, dude. You and your family."

Kyle froze during a few seconds. He had to remember that time, when his father wanted them to move on San Francisco. And a storm was gonna destroy their house. He just remembered that he ended in a bus for South Park. People said he had a guardian angel. He thought about God...

But God was actually... Eric Cartman.

"What the h- But why did he do that ?"

"Because of something I told him" Stan answered. Kyle noticed that he came back from kitchen without warning them. Maybe he was listening them from the beginning.

" When I tried to write a song to make you coming back, Cartman said he wouldn't do anything for you." Stan continued by walking near the couch." And I told him that letting you go would make him more sad than he knows. And I guess I was right."

" Wait, you knew that, Stan ?" Kyle questioned, deeply shocked.

" We all knew, Kyle. I mean, all the guys. Kenny knows too." Stan explained.

" And why you didn't tell me?"

"I don't know. I forgot, maybe. I thought it wasn't that important for you." Stan shrugged.

" But he saved me, dude."

"I saved you much more than him!" Stan retorted.

"But you are my best friend, Stan, and he was..."

Good question. Who was he? He saw Butter's and Stan's looks. He had to finish his sentence quickly.

"...not."

" Yeah, that's the bravest thing he ever did, I think." Butters added. " And he did it for you."

It was hard for Kyle to breath normally after that. They are saying that... Cartman. The old Cartman. The one who hated him more than everything in the world.. Risked his life for him ? The guy who never cared about something else than him? Who insulted him everytime ?

Why his cheeks turned red suddenly? Why his stomach and his heart were beating at the same time ? Why was he so happy to hear that ?

This morning, he pratictally betrayed the boy who saved his life. Once again.

 _Oh my god..._ he thought. _What did I just do ?_

 

 

 

 

 


	3. Revelation

Kyle couldn't keep it for himself one more second. He had to see him. Apologize for what he did, and... Nevermind, do something. He jumped out off the couch and walked to Stan's door. But the raven-haired boy ran near him while he put on his jacket.

" Kyle, where are you going ?" His friend asked.

" I have to see Cartman. Now" Kyle answered, determined.

" Why ?"

The redhead boy faced the other.

"Did you hear what Butters just said ? The only kind thing he ever did when he was a motherfucker was for me. I have to talk about this with him."

Stan rolled his eyes.

" God damn it, Kyle, wake up! It was a while ago." He sighed desperately. " And he clearly balanced things since this time, don't you think?"

" It still matters to me."

"Oh God, he didn't saved you because he cared about you, dude!" He groaned. " He saved you for himself and nobody else. He had to keep someone he could insult and disrespect whenever he wanted around him, that's the only reason he saved your life. Don't imagine the old Cartman was anything else but selfish and vicious."

Kyle paused. Actually what Stan was saying sounded true. It made more sense than Butter's words. The blonde boy is naive, so he'd never think that someone would do something for bad reasons.

However... Kyle didn't want to let it go.

" And what if it was something else?" Kyle added shyly.

" What would it be, though?" Stan asked.

" I don't know but- whatever. I have to apologize him, anyway."

He was going to open the door but Stan stopped him.

"Apologize for what ? You already did a several times after the hutt in the wood's story. He's not mad at you anymore."

"Not about that" Kyle confessed. " About... Something I did today."

In front of the perplexed look of Stan, Kyle didn't have other choice but explain him the Internet's historic affair. His friend listened to him with his eyebrows frowned.

" Wait " He said. " Are you saying you were jealous of Heidi ?"

Kyle froze. Jealousy ? Was it that feeling which sticked on him during all this time ? No, that's impossible. NotCartman.

" Not... Jealous." He answered, ignoring how warm his cheeks turned into.

Stan squinted his eyes, like he was thinking hardly.

" Yeah... It makes sense, finally. You started acting weirdly when Cartman and her got together."

" No way, are you insane? Nobody hates him more than me. It's not about that."

Stan raised an eyebrow. He crossed his arms.

" So you're just frustrated because she turned him in a good person and you didn't."

Said like that, it sounded like something particulary selfish. But what else could it be ?

"... Yeah. Something like that."

"Okay, then why do you feel guilty for what you did? It's better if she knows the truth about him, you don't have to apologize for that. If she loves him enough, she will accept it. In fact, I think you did the right thing."

"But what if they break up because of me? It would be my fault."

"It would be Cartman's fault, dude. He's the one who gave you AIDS, he's the one who killed his own father and who almost convinced everyone about a Black People Apocalypse. It's not you. Alright?"

That was true. But Kyle still had something which weighed on his heart.

"But why did he changed for Heidi and not for us?" He wondered sadly.

" Because he's in love with her. Love can change a man."

Kyle felt something hurting him in his chest by hearing this. _He's in love with her_.

"You should be relieved, he'll never hurt you again." Stan added." You're free now! So you _need_ to get over it, seriously. It's over. Everything's gonna be fine. "

Slowly, Kyle closed the door he was almost opening. Yeah, he was right, after all. He shouldn't have to feel so bad about all of this.

Kyle always have been someone of rational. But lately, he conspirated about ruining a relationship just for a question of ego. It's totally the kind of thing the old Cartman would do. And it's unhealthy. He had to stop acting like a child, and be himself again.

Maybe it was just because he has been really disturbed by seeing Cartman like that. But with patience, he will accustom himself with this idea.

" Come on" Stan said. "Let's play a video games and relax. You don't have to be worried, anymore."

Kyle let Stan driving him to the couch. And they spent the night in front of the TV, playing and trying to have fun, as they always did...

 

The next monday, Kyle was back to school. And he noticed that things seemed to be alright between Cartman and Heidi. They continued to walk by holding hands, to smile to one another, to kiss, to hug... Apparently, Cartman's past wasn't a problem with her anymore. They just reconciled. It was a good thing, right ?

However, the redhead thought maybe Cartman would be angry against him, now.

But it was worse. He completely ignored Kyle. The last one tried to catch his gaze in class but nothing. It was like he didn't exist anymore. It was pretty normal to react this way but... Anormal with Cartman. A part of him was afraid of a potential revenge against him, but if the new Cartman was really different, he wouldn't do that.

Despite what Stan told him, he couldn't help but feel like he had to apologize. He couldn't stand this silence. It was more unbearable than the time when he played the 'nice guy'.

Kyle had to talk to him. He needed to.

So when the class ended, he walked near the two lovebirds.

" Hey, Cartman."

They both looked at the Redhead approaching them.

"Oh, hi, Kahl." The fatboy said, really normally.

"Er-... Heidi, do you mind if I talk to Eric? It won't be long."

Heidi seemed hesitate a few seconds but she finally smiled.

"Of course you can, go ahead." she answered.

But Kyle noticed she didn't look really comfortable.

"Thanks."

They walked away, apart. Kyle faced the fat boy.

" Look, Cartman, I wanted to tell you that... I'm so sorry for what I did. Once again. I really didn't mean to.."

" It's alright, Kahl. You don't have to apologize." He answered softly.

Kyle blinked.

"You- You're not mad at me?"

" Well, I _was_ mad at you, that's true, but... I thought about it and I realized it's wasn't your fault, after all, you know? There are things we can't control."

Kyle sighed, relieved.

" Oh you have no idea how I'm happy to hear this, and honestly I-"

He interrupted himself.

" Wait. Some things we can't control ? What do you mean ?"

" Yeah, y'know, sometimes there are people we hate without reason and no matter what they do we'll still hate them. We don't necessarly want to, but we can't help it."

...

"I'm not sure I got it."

" You already forget it? Are you amnesiac or something?" Cartman laughed. " What I said about the fact I'll always do the wrong thing to you. You know the argue we had yesterday-"

" I'm not talking about that!"

Cartman frowned.

" So what are you talking about?"

Kyle didn't understand anything. How could he not be informed...? He looked at Heidi and noticed that she was looking at him with a worried look.

_Oh my God... She didn't tell him it was me! Why ?_

Maybe Heidi was far more kindhearted than Kyle thought... Or she had other reasons to not tell him?

So that means he ignored him just because he thought Kyle still hated him ?

" Uh... I mean, yeah, I do remember, now. " He cleared his throat.

"Okay you're reassuring me" He chuckled.

" Yes... Yeah. But- Anyway, regarding this, you were wrong. I don't think that no matter what you do is not good. I was just really surprised to see how much you've changed, but now I think it's a really good thing. And I would like to... To be your friend again. I mean, a real friend. Who supports you. The 'new you'."

After a short silence, Cartman smiled.

" Wow, Kahl. It's really mature from you. Thank you."

"Your welcome."

" Well- Heidi and I wanted to lunch outside, someday. Do you want to come ? That would be great to start our new friendship, don't you think?"

Kyle nodded.

" I'd love that."

"Great ! See you soon."

" Bye Cartman."

He stared at the fatboy joining Heidi. This situation was really strange... But, nevermind. At least, nobody was mad at him, at that was for the best.

 

After that, he went to next class. History. They were working on a presentation, and the teacher decided to make pairs. Kyle founds himself with Craig. But the raven-haired boy didn't seem in the mood for history. He wasn't focus at all on their subject. The reason of this state of mind was pretty obvious, even though the redhead boy wasn't supposed to know.

However, Kyle wanted to do a good job after the lame mark he had with his English homework, so it was unfortunately a bad timing for him. He had to fix this, or at least trying to. So he took a deep breath and looked at Craig.

"Everything's okay, man?"

Craig didn't even look at him back.

" Yeah. I guess." He said weakly.

_This kind of answer reminds me someone_ , Kyle thought with a smile.

" Dude, I recognize someone sad when I see one."

Craig didn't answer. The redhead rolled his eyes. He haven't whole his time.

" It's about Tweek, isn't it ?" He suddenly asked.

Craig raised an eyebrow, visibly surprised.

"How do you know about that?"

"I heard you arguing in the locker room, last time." He admitted.

"Oh, congratulations for spying your classmates, Kyle." Craig grumbled sarcastically.

" Look, I know it's hard for a proud man like you, but you really have to apologize him. Trust me, it solve everything" He advised.

"You didn't listen well what we said, though. I _did_ apologize. But it's not what Tweek expect."

"... So what does he expect?"

It seemed pretty hard for Craig to confess, but he finally decided to resign himself.

"He wants me to stop being violent."

"And you can't do that?"

"I don't fucking know, dude. I mean, it's not like I was gonna punch a random in the street without reason. On the other hand, if an asshole comes and threat Tweek, or Stripe, of course I will kick his ass, I won't even think about it, it's a simple reflex. I can't fight against that."

" Of course you can, if you try to." retorted Kyle.

"But it doesn't worth it."

"... Why?"

Craig sighed like it was obvious.

" Do you know what I told Tweek right before we started dating? I told him 'I can't be something because everyone wants me to be. I have to be myself.'. That means I warned him from the beginning, and I thought he was okay with that. But maybe not, finally."

" You can change who you are for your love, it's pretty common." Kyle observed.

But Craig shook his head, disapproving.

"No. There is a difference between improve little things for someone and being totally someone else."

Kyle raised an eyebrow.

"Develop?"

Craig clearly didn't want to, but he forced himself to face Kyle.

"Look, I'm not like Tweek. And that's specifically the reason why we need each other." he explained. " Imagine if I was as sensitive, anxious and frightened as him. Or if he was as careless as I am. Our relationship would be impossible. Until now it worked because I was here to calm him down and protect him, whereas he was here to open myself to others and helping me to be more expressive. We improve little things from each others, but we doesn't have to give up on who we are deeply inside, you know what I mean? 'Cause that's the reason we love each other: we're different."

It... actually made sense.

"You mean that... You can be less violent for Tweek, but you can't stop being violent at all."

"Exactly. And that's the reason why we disagree. I can't promise him that I'll never be violent again in my life. It would be a lie. But he's holding on that promise."

It was really interesting... But there was a problem, though.

" So why Cartman's relationship works ?" He asked, more for himself than for Craig. " I mean, he changed everything he was for her."

But Craig snorted.

"Cartman hasn't change for Heidi. Actually, in my opinion, he hasn't even changed at all."

Kyle stared at Craig with big eyes. That was the first time someone was doubting.

"You thing he's acting ?"

"No, I think he really believes that he's different, but it's just, you know, casual. What's bred in the bone will come out in the flesh and shit like that *****."

"So you think the old him would... come back someday?" He asked with a shamy hope.

Craig shrugged.

"I'm sure someday he will crack down. I mean, he's Cartman. You should know that better than anyone."

_If you say so.._

 

Kyle didn't know what to think. Sitting on his office chair, trying to resolve an arithmethic problem, but once again, something else was crossing his mind. Once again,  Cartman. _Damn it_.

He thouht about Stan's word. _Love can change a man._

But Craig's reasonning was correct, by the way. More than a cliché which come from romantic books. It could be unhealthy to change who you are for a person you love. The point is to accept him or her for who they are.

Who were right ?

Maybe Cartman was doing a mistake.

But, nevermind. Kyle had to stop interfere in his private life. It has nothing to do with him.

After a moment, lost in his dreams, he heard his phone buzzing. He picked it and checked the screen. Surprinsgly, it was Cartman.

'Hey, we decided to lunch at Shakey's Pizza tomorrow, is that okay for you?'

'Yeah, sure. See you out there, then.'

_God. What am I doing ? I can't go there alone, it would be too hard!_

So he checked his phone. If he asks Stan, he will desapprove. So... Why not Kenny ?

'Hey Ken, Cartman, Heidi and I are going to Shakey's pizza tomorrow for lunch, are you in?'

'Shakey's pizza, huh? Interesting choice.'

...

'Why ?'

'No, forget it. I'm totally in! See you tomorrow!'

Kyle smiled. Hopefully, he will have a friend to support him during this lunch.

 

So, the next day, the four kids were sat on a table of Shakey's pizza. The atmosphere was a little weird but Kyle tried to not care about it and to have fun... Even though it wasn't really easy in front of the two lovebirds.

Plus, he noticed Heidi was a bit awkward. He wondered if it was because of the Internet's historical stuff, but who knows ? She never mentioned it just once.

"I never went to Shakey's pizza before" she said shyly. "It's actually pretty great."

"Told you, sweetheart. I knew you'd love it."

Kyle couldn't help but roll his eyes. Kenny seemed notice it but didn't tell anything about it.

" Cartman is particularly fond of this place" He informed.

" It's awesome, I agree but I don't understand why there is two Shakey's Pizza just next to one each other." Heidi said with a small chuckle.

" Ask Cartman about that." Kenny laughed.

But Cartman didn't seem to understand.

" Why me ?"

"You're kind of... responsible of that." Kenny explained.

Cartman raised an eyebrow.

"You're freaking me out, Ken'. What the hell are you talking about?"

"It's alright, you don't remember." Kenny muttered. "But I swear, you're the reason why there is two Shakey's Pizza."

" I would totally remember it if it was true!" Cartman exclaimed. "How could I possibly forget that?"

Kenny smiled mysteriously.

"If you don't believe me, ask the owner of the pizzeria, man."

"Alright, I'll do it. And you'll come with me."

Kenny smirked.

" Okay! Let's go !"

They both stand up and walked to the counter... Letting Kyle and Heidi alone.

The redhead boy felt immediatly that something was wrong. Heidi was avoiding his gaze.

So he tried to find a way to relax things between them.

"Wow, Cartman did so many things by the past that he doesn't remember everything" He joked.

Ugh. _Fucking idiot_. It was like the worse thing to say in their situation. Kyle wanted to slap himself.

"Er, I mean, you know-"

" Yeah, I know, Kyle."

It was a cold sentence... Almost dry. Kyle sighed. They definitely couldn't stay like that. He had to know the truth, now. It was the best time.

"Heidi, listen. I need to know why you didn't tell him about what I did."

Heidi stared at her feet. She stood motionless during a few seconds, and finally raised her head. She gazed at him with a strange expression.

"The real question is, why did you show me that, Kyle?" she asked.

That was the trap. 'Cause the real reason is... actually a mystery. Just like that Shakey's pizza story. _Think rationally, Kyle._

"I don't know, maybe because I wanted you to know everything about him. Secrets aren't good in a relationship."

Heidi got silent a moment again.

"Are you sure this is the reason ?" she finally questioned. " Because you know, you looked really pissed when you gave it to me, remember? Like it was touching you.. Personnally."

Kyle turned red when he heard that.

"Well, as I said, Cartman is my friend and I wanted to do the right thing."

" He's grewn enough to choose himself, don't you think?"

"Apparently, he's not." retorted Kyle, a bit irritated.

But Heidi wasn't convinced.

"To be honest, you didn't act like a friend" She commented. "You acted like someone who wanted to destroy everything between us."

Kyle swallowed hard. He started to be really scared of what she wanted to say. She really was more smart than he thought, visibly.

"It's your imagination"

"Is it ? Or are you trying to convince yourself?"

"I'm not sure to understand what you're implying."

Heidi took a deep breath.

"Right. We'll dot it simply. I'm gonna ask you a question, and you will answer 'yes' or 'no'. Okay?"

".. Okay."

Now it was gonna be the worse moment.

His heart was beating hard, really hard...

If it was what he believed, he'll really need to answer the most naturally he could.

No stuttering, no blushing, no shaking... JUST. ACT. LIKE.NORMAL.

" Do you..."

_Breathe. Breathe slowly_.

" Have any..."

_Don't blush, Kyle, don't fucking blush. STAY CALM._

" feelings..."

_Oh god she found out everything! What I'm supposed to do? Calm down, Kyle, calm down!_

 

 

 

"... for me ?"

The redhead boy blinked.

 

_What?_

 

_\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

***** Hey, just wanted to say that I discovered today the expression "bred in the bone", which is really different of the french expression. We say "Chassez le naturel et il revient au galop", in English "chase the natural and he's galloping back" ahah. It made me laugh, that's all. Ahem. See ya!

 (Yeah and the whole Shakey's pizza thing was a reference to the episode where Kenny dies of a disease.)

 


	4. Misunderstanding

Kyle was still sitting on his chair, but he felt like he was gonna fell.

He hasn't realize how suspicious he looked for her.

And during one minute, he was considering the idea she could be right. That she might be the reason of all of this, that maybe he did it just because he liked the girl in front of him. It could, after all, why not ? Heidi was a pretty girl, she was sweet, brilliant and decent. She proved it so many times after that trolling's stuff. Both of them had a lot of common and they sure could get along well. Cartman was a lucky man, obviously.

However.. No. He never felt anyting for her. She was definitely not the reason of this behavior. It would be something else. And no matter how... feasible it seemed, he couldn't help but exclaims:

"What the fuck, Heidi!"

"I told you to answer 'yes' or 'no'" she moaned.

"Of course not, what to do you think?"

"You have to admit it's pretty logical. I mean, you stay away from Cartman since we're dating, and now you're trying to separates us by revealing his past. What else could it be?"

"You really think I'd do that just for love?" He asked, incredulous.

"I know by experience that love can make us doing anything." she replied. " You just have to see Eric to understand how much it could change us."

Kyle couldn't help but rolled his eyes.

"Oh, please, he hasn't change for you." He protested. " He's just playing a role to satisfy you but it's not him deep inside, and someday he'll probably reveal his true colours."

"Redemption isn't a legend, Kyle. Some people can really turn into good persons if they hardly try to, just like Eric did."

"God, open your eyes, Heidi. He couldn't do anything else but change. All his friends let him go, we all blamed him for being Skankhunt42. That's the only reason he ended with you, he didn't have anywhere else to go!"

He stopped, taking a deep breath. His anger brought him to say cruel things, and he regretted immediatly his hard words. Heidi looked sad at first, but finally she frowned.

" Well, maybe leaving you was the best thing he ever did in his life." she said, which hurted him even more.

"M-maybe." He admitted, trying to hide his turmoil. " But maybe not. That's a matter of opinion, here."

"Really?" she asked. "According to what I read about him before we found each other, I don't see anything which worth enough to get back. He do know that."

Then Kyle raised an eyebrow.

"So you're saying you wouldn't accept him if he was the 'old him' version?"

 _I'd do. I'd totally do if I could._ Heidi shrugged.

"I don't have to wonder, do I?"

Kyle stared at her, disappointed. Even though he didn't like to see them together, he had at least the certitude she made him happy. And she did. But only because he "improved" himself. Only because he's a cliché of the perfect boyfriend. Only because he's not himself anymore.

" Anyway" she said. "I haven't told him about this whole folder thing because he's your friend, and he trust you. I don't want him to be hurt, especially because of a one-sided love which doesn't matter."

_She's still thinking I...?_

"Heidi, listen to me. I am _not_ in love with you, okay? Not at all. I haven't give you this folder for this reason."

" Then why? And don't tell me that was in order to improve our relationship because I know it's wrong."

Kyle didn't know what to say.

" I don't know" he sighed. " I guess I just... felt like it."

"You felt like it?" She repeated. "How many times I have to expect you to come ruining things between Eric and me just because you 'feel like it'?"

"Never again" He muttered. "I'm so sorry for that, I really am. You have no idea how much I felt bad about it."

_Especially when I found out he saved me and all my family._

"Rightly so." answered the Young girl. "Because you know, there's nothing in this world which would make me leave him."

"Yeah. I know."

_That's the problem._

Kenny decided to come back at this moment.

"Hey, guys!" He sat near with them.

He was alone.

"Where's Eric?" Heidi asked.

"He's in the bathroom."

"So? What did the owner said?" questioned Kyle.

"Nothing but the truth" Kenny laughed.

"Your pizzas are ready" the waitor said by putting the food in front of their customers. They all thanked him.

"Well, buon appetito, guys." Kenny said.

"Maybe we should wait for Eric" Heidi suggested.

"Don't worry about him" Kenny reassured. "Nothing's better than coming back from the toilets and see our food on our plate."

Heidi agreed with a giggle.

"Alright."

So they started to eat. But Kyle noticed something was missing.

"Crap." He said. "They forgot the hot sauce."

"I saw some of its in the counter when we entered" Kenny indicated.

"'Kay. I'll come back."

He crossed the restaurant until the counter. Indeed, there were hot sauces into little baskets. He picked many of them. But when he wanted to join the table, he noticed something outside.

There, on a bench, with a head low, there were Cartman. He was staring at his feet silently, without doing anything. Curious, Kyle drived himself near the door and joined him outside.

" Cartman? "

The fat boy raised his eyes. And Kyle immediatly knew he wasn't right.

"Hi, Kyle."

"Whate are you doing here, pizzas are here. Come Inside."

" Yeah, I will. Just one moment."

But Kyle didn't want to let him alone in this state of mind.

"Are you okay, dude ?" He asked worriedly.

"I don't know."

The red head sat next to him.

"What happened ?"

Cartman sighed.

"Nothing, it's just... Something Kenny told me."

"When you two gone ask the owner of the pizzeria?"

"Yeah."

" So what ?"

"Did you know I'm actually the real cause of these two Shakey's pizza?"

Kyle looked at the two identics restaurant next to each other, and he smiled. Ordinary, it would've been a pride for him to figure out that.

"It's kind of funny, isn't it ?" Cartman added. " I don't remember anything."

"Well, sometimes we do things and they just.. disappear from our mind. You did so many things, dude, you can't remember everything-"

"No, you don't understand, Kahl. Kenny told me why I don't remember."

"How does he knows that?"

It seems like Kenny knows much more things than we expect.

"Because it's- partly his fault. I mean, not his fault in a bad way, but it's because of him."

Kyle frowned.

" You're right, I don't get it." He admitted.

" Kenny explained me he had a curse." Cartman reaveled. " Somehow."

" A curse?" Kyle repeated. " What kind of curse?"

" It's a long story but, in fact, because of weird practices of his parents, he can't die. I mean, he dies, but he resurrects no longer after. And everybody forget it."

"What ? Cartman, it's completely insane!"

" I know! It's incredible. I didn't believe him when he explained at the beginning, but these two buildings are the proof he tell the truth."

"How is it possible?"

"I don't remember that because it happened in a time where Kenny was dying of a deadly disease. He died for a long time, man. A really long time. And we don't remember it at all."

"Dude, we would know this." Kyle protested.

"I don't know, it's something like magic stuff, you know."

"I don't think this kind of thing exist."

"Come on, Kahl, we saw so many weird things in our life, you can't be blind like this."

Kyle didn't answer. He didn't know what to think. He was into sciences, rational facts, so people talking about "magic stuff" made him laugh usually. But now, he wasn't laughing. Kenny was not a liar. He had absolutely any reason to making up a story like this. So that means there were a possibility he really tell the truth?

"Can you imagine what it's like ?" Cartman finally asked. " To die over and over again, and survive, in secret. Living a hundred lives of secrets."

Kyle swallowed.

"No. I can't."

 _We must feel so alone_ , he thought. Kenny was a really strong boy. He has a hard life. Even without that curse. He's poor. His parents are litteraly a nightmare. He has to take care of his siblings by himself, and nobody helps him. He never complains about it, though.

Kyle felt so selfish at this moment. Realizing he's a lucky guy, ungrateful, when his friend is living a terrible faith he never choose.

"I do." muttered suddenly Cartman, breaking the peaceful silence.

The thiner boy glanced at his friend, perplexed. What did he mean by saying this? What kind of secret could he hide?

"Really?" he asked.

But Cartman didn't say anything more about that.

"Nevermind." He cleared his throat before adding: " The point is, he said he saw us from the sky. You and me."

"You mean, when he died?"

Cartman nodded.

"Yeah. He saw us in the hospital, when he died. He told me that I was crying like a baby, in the hallway. And when you leaved Kenny's room, you catch me shedding tears and trying to hide it. You were surprised... But... He said you gave me a hug, to comfort me. And you let me cry in your arms, like the little piece of shit I was."

Kyle stayed silent for a moment. What a revelation. He regretted so much to not remembering this. It must have been a really deep and tender instant. Sharing sadness with Cartman, his enemy forever... Whose actually not.  

" I'm not really surprised" He finally said.

That was true. If the fat boy were crying right now, that's surely the first thing he'd do. But his friend was surprised by this declaration. He looked at him.

" Yeah ?"

"Yeah."

Their gazes met suddenly, and Kyle felt something burning inside of him. But Cartman looked away. If it wasn't him, the red head would have swear he blushed.

"But after that, I found a way to clone things. You thought I was searching a way to save Kenny, you know with stem cells or something like that." He continued. " Then I decided to clone Shakey's pizza instead. You realized I was crying just for fucking pizzas. So you hated me again."

He chuckled. And imagining the scene, Kyle joined him.

"Even less surprising."

They continued to laugh after that. But they finally stopped, at the same time. Cartman added:

" Yeah. I don't know why we are friends, Kahl. But I do know that at least, we are."

Kyle smiled at Cartman. Yes, they were friends. Old friends. He already told him about that, but once again, it was a lure. But he'll never forget his words, that day.

_I never meant to treat you as you don't matter at all to me. I know we argue all the time and I give you tons of crap but we also have been through a lot together._

It seemed like a sort of love declaration. To think about it, it was the only time Cartman tried to be nicer. For bad reasons, but still.

 Slowly, Kyle removed his hand from his knee to put it on Cartman's. He had no idea what he was doing. He just... Yeah. Felt like it.

And surprisingly, the fatboy didn't move. Instead of that, he interlaced his fingers with his.

They stood here for a few seconds, and Kyle felt weirdly good. Really good. He never felt that good for a while. A rare moment of peacefulness and calm, after all the storm which was raging into him lately. It was really pleasant. If he had choice, he would never leave this place, and stay here, like this forever.

But finally, Cartman let go off his hand.

"I think we... we should come back inside." He suggested. " Pizzas are gonna be cold."

"Yeah. You're right."

So they came back in the restaurant and ate their pizza with their friends like anything happened.

But unless Kenny would have died in front of them, Kyle would never forget it, for sure.

 

When they finally decided to go home, Kyle directly came in his room and threw himself on the bed, the head in his pillow. Something really weird was going on in his head. He really wanted to fix it but he didn't even know where to start. Everything was messy, complicated, enigmatic...

He had no idea what to do, how to feel, how to think, nothing had sense...

Why Cartman seemed so pensive while figuring out they hugged each other after Kenny's death ? Why the hell Kyle couldn't stop to think about this ? About him ? About them holding their hands ?

And those things Heidi said. _Love can make us doing anything_. Another cliché just like Stan's sentence. _Love can change a man_.

 _Love can make you say really dumb things_ , he thought.  But who would he blame? He was ridiculous too. Conspirating against a friend, what was wrong with him? What was that if it's not an act of love for Heidi?

And suddenly he realized that... No. He couldn't definitely love Heidi. He had all the reasons for, but he didn't. On the other hand, he had no reason to like Cartman. However...

Could he...?

No. It couldn't be possible.

Just considering this possibility during one second was insane. But... _What else could it be?_

But Kyle was not gay. He liked girls. He dated girls. Really quickly, okay, but still. He felt something for girls. Not for boys, and especially not that stupid fatass.

When Stan dated Wendy, he never felt threaten or bad as he feels about Cartman and his girlfriend. He really never cared about who his best friend loved or not, unless it's hurting him. Actually, he never really understood why he was always so bad about his stories with Wendy. It was just a girl. Not important.

 But Cartman, it was different.

It's weird, because objectively, Stan was much more attractive.  He's a football player, he's thin and he looks great. Really. If Kyle would be gay, he would be naturally attracted to him, or at least thinking he is attractive. But he's not. At all. Stan was a really nice guy, the best friend he ever had, but there were not... chemistry. Just like Cartman and him. They spent their childhood to fight each other, and for some reason, he kind of liked it. There was that "something" Cartman told him this time about Casa Bonita, even though he didn't meant it, Kyle thought that it was actually true.

They always had something else. Something more. He never really cared about it before today. He probably thought it was too much reflexion for an asshole like Cartman, but now... He started to consider that this "something" might be... Kind of love ?

Maybe not love like sweet, cheesy and over-romantic feeling but most like... Passion? Something like that?

Who would know?

How could he be sure ?

But he wouldn't definitely ask to Stan because he knew he'd answer something like "If you were in love you would knew it."

Like there was one universal rule about love that only people who are following it can define themselves as 'in love'. But it's wrong, actually. Everybody's different, everybody feels different things for differents persons. There is probably an infinty of way to love.

It's not an exact science. We can explain what happens between two persons attracted to each other with biology, but it just explain how it works, not why, or not how we're sure. It's something completely personal.

Suddenly, he had an idea. The only person who can actually help him with this, is another gay, right? He can talk about this with him, just trying to sort all these feelings really weird. Maybe Tweek would help him with this.

He jumped on his phone for calling him. Fortunately, Tweek was free.

"O-of course we can meet, Kyle." He answered.

"Okay, where are you now ? At home ?"

"Oh y-you mean, right now ? Is it an emergency?"

"Kind of."

"Well I'm working in the coffee shop, but- nevermind. You can come if you want. There are not so much customers, anyways."

"Thanks Tweek. See you there."

He took his bike and rolled to Tweak's Bros. The twitchy blonde was behind the counter, drinking his own cup of coffee, as always.

Kyle noticed he started to look really anxious again. No need to wonder why. When he saw the red head, he smiled.

"Gah! H-hey, Kyle."

"Hi, Tweek. How are you?"

"F-fine, as you see."

...

" So, can we seat somewhere far away from people? I don't want to be bothered by curious ears."

"Y-yeah, if you want. B-but, uh- Can you buy a coffee, please? My dad is gonna be mad if he sees I'm chatting instead of working."

"Oh. Of course if you want. A latte, please?"

"No problem."

He brought him his cup a few minutes later. They were sitting at a table apart from the others customers, near the windows.

"So ? What is s-so important you couldn't wait for telling me?" He asked, curious.

Kyle sighed.

"Uh... It's stupid, I know, but.. I am a little bit- disturbed, these days. And you're the only one I can talk to."

"Why ?"

" 'Cause you're the only one at school who can help me with this problem. Except Craig, of course, but he's not really- like you."

"Y-yeah, gnh, you couldn't put any better." he mumbled.

" Yes, uh- whatever. I just wanted to know... How have you found out you had a crush on him?"

Tweek seemed to become even more nervous after these words. _Maybe it's not the right time to talk about that_ , Kyle thought, biting his lower lip.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you or something like that-" He apologized.

"N-no it's okay, Kyle." Tweek reassured. "I-its just. You know. The first time someone asks me."

Kyle blinked.

"Really?"

"Y-yeah. A-actually people were more interest in the fact Craig and I are gay t-than knowing how we turned into a relationship."

What a messy town.

"South Park's Citizen are jerks." Kyle laughed.

"GAH! T-true." Tweek approved.

"So ?"

But the blonde seemed to hesitant, and Kyle didn't know exactly why.

"If you're uncomfortable with this, you don't need to-"

"N-no, it's not about that. I-I mean, not really."

"So what's the problem ?" Kyle asked.

After a short silence, Tweek stared at the red head.

"K-kyle. C-can you keep a secret?"

So many secrets to keep... Uh... After all, one more or less wouldn't change that much.

"Yeah. Of course. You can trust me." Kyle replied.

Tweek waited again one second before taking the plunge.

"Well.. C-Craig and I..."

...?

"Weren't-uh, you know, really gay at the beginning."

Weird sentence.

"What do you mean?"

"Uh- A-actually, when the Asians girls drew pictures of us, w-we weren't together."

Kyle raised an eyebrow.

"You're telling me you two aren't in love ?"

"Y-yes we are!" The blonde protested, " I-I mean, I am for sure. I don't really know about him anymore, but- nevermind. I-I'm just telling you that when everybody was thinking we were a gay couple, during the first weeks, we weren't."

"So- why didn't you tell the truth?"

"GAH! W-we tried to! Gnh. B-but nobody wanted to hear the truth, t-they were so happy to think we were, t-they didn't care about the truth."

" I knew it!" Kyle suddenly exclaimed. " I knew there was something weird around this story."

"Y-yeah. That's why we played a f-fake argument in front of the Asians girls."

"So the story about Michael-"

"GAH! Total bullshit. C-Craig never cheated on me. Michael never existed."

"Okay. That.. put a light on many things. I mean, when I see how Craig si always trying to keep you safe, it's hard to believe he's flirting with other boys in your back."

Tweek blushed a little.

"Y-yeah but perhaps that doesn't mean anything. M-maybe he's an hypocrite."

Kyle was sure of the contrary, but he didn't want to involve in their affairs.

"So you really fell in love in him, at the end?"

"Y-yeah."

Probably an interesting story.

"How ? It was like, something obvious or-"

"N-not really."

Kyle felt relieved. Even though he didn't have to. Not cliché stories for once.

"I-I mean, I can't deny there were a sort of a- triggering element or something. B-but it wasn't 'obvious' ."

"Develop?"

"L-like I said, at the beginning we weren't gay at all for each other. I-I'm pretty sure Craig defined himself as straight. P-personnally, I was too much stressed out to even think about that. A-all I knew is we were both sick of all the rumors about us, n-none of us wanted that. S-So Craig suggested the 'break up scene'. But y-you know me, it was-"

"Too much pressure." Kyle smiled.

" E-Exactly. Then I started to panick, explaining I was a terrible actor, but he tried to reassuring me. He told me that I was capable of more than I think. I-it was just an ordinary encouraging word, b-but that was the first time someone was implying he believed in me. A-and Craig was the last person I expected who would need to count on me someday, e-even though he had no choice, but, whatever. I-I was so afraid to disappoint him, o-or screwing everything up in front of the Asians girls, that I t-tried hard to do it rightly."

"Yeah, I remember. You were really persuasive. Actually, that's the moment I thought I was wrong for doubting about your relationship. When I saw tears on your cheeks."

Tweek turned pinker.

"R-really? It's touchy."

"I mean it.."

"T-Then after my 'performance', I-I was like, shocked. Because I did it! I've succeed in something in my life. I-I never dared before, always sure I was gonna lose. I-I was so happy for what I've done, and I would never do something like that if Craig wasn't here to open my eyes."

"So it was the moment you knew you were in love?"

"N-no. Not yet. I-I mean I didn't realize what happened to me. I-I just knew it was good. And it's s-so rare for me to feel good! GAH! And like the town was sad about our s-separation, I wondered if it wouldn't be better for us to- get back together. B-but Craig was mad at me for the way I discredited him in front of the school. That's when he told me those words 'I can't be something because-

" 'Because everyone wants me to be. I have to be myself.' " Kyle completed.

Okay. Everything was clear, now. Except for Tweek, who frowned.

"How do you know that?"

"He told me."

"He told you? Really? When ?"

"Uh- It's not important."

It might really tickle him because he stared at Kyle during a moment, before continuing.

"O-okay, if you say so. You know he told me to be gay with someone else then?"

"... Nope. I don't know nothing else but that."

"Well, he did. So I-I thought it was definitely over. A-and I felt hurt about that, you know? Really hurt. A-ass something was torn in my chest."

_God, I know that feeling so well._

"And that's when you figured everything out?"

"No, still not. B-be patient. Actually, it was a few hours later, when I was walking near the Whole Foods, that I knew there was definitely something. Not was in love, but there was something special."

"Just like that? Why?"

" 'Cause Craig joined me." Tweek explained. "H-he haven't say anything. S-so I never knew what happened, but, he changed his mind. He just gave me his hand without any word, and it was just, you know, n-natural. After that we spent a lot of time together. A-and during all this period when I was just sitting next to him while he played video games or walking in the street by holding his hand, I realized that I loved him. I'm always over reacting and he helped me to relativise things because he's solide, careless and rational. I never been so comfortable with someone in my life. In fact, I've never been comfortable with anyone but Craig."

Kyle stayed silent by looking at the blonde. Even though things didn't happen exactly how he imagined, it was still really touchy. Even more touchy than he thought, actually, considering Craig never cheated on Tweek. It was really the cutest story he ever heard for a while. Also sad, to note that South Park's citizen are so dumb they never try to know if they were actually gay. But to think about it, their stupidity made them falling in love somehow. So maybe it's forgivable. End justifies means, no?

However, it was heartbreaking to know that they were in conflict, right now, after all they've been through together. Regarding this, Kyle frowned.

"So why don't you trust him about all the violence thing?" He asked.

" GAH! W-what do you mean?"

" You said you loved him because you feel comfortable with him, because he believes in you and make you feel safe. So why do you think he would hurt you someday?"

Tweek sighed.

" I just- disapprove his violent behavior. I don't want to be with someone as cold-blooded to break people's stuff and noses."

" But according to what you said, that's also the reason you love him, no ? Because he's solide and careless, so he can protect you. And for the first time of his life, he was enough concerned about others to defend the girls. He doesn't even care about girls since he have you, but he decided to it just for justice. Because of you. It's your work. Can't you see how much you're improving him?"

Tweek seemed to think deeply about this.

"I-I just reveal his good sides, I guess. C-Craig isn't insensible, he could be really attentive sometimes. He just doesn't show it everytime, but it's his own choice. I never asked him to always be like that. Then he would be another person, and I wouldn't love him anymore."

It was finally close enough to what Craig said in History class. And really interesting regarding Cartman.

"Yeah, you wouldn't. So why can't you accept he is a little bit violent but he's not always violent either ? That just sometimes, when he sees that something is unfair, he doesn't find any other way to fix it?"

"Fix it by breaking it" Tweek giggled. Kyle smiled. It apparently didn't worth to argue like they do while they're definitely made specifically for each other.

"It's a part of him, dude. And if you love him, you love everything in him."

"Yeah, y-you're probably right." Tweek admitted. "Maybe I should call him."

"Absolutely." The red head approved.

Tweek smiled shyly at Kyle.

"I-it should have been me helping you and not the contrary, no?"

Kyle laughed.

"Actually, Tweek, you have no idea how much you're helping me, now."

 

At the end fo the day, Kyle was sure of one thing.

Heidi was right - partly. What he did for Cartman was an act of love. 

It was really sad but also really incredible. It was new, refreshing, and terrifying. But it was pretty clear now, and undeniable.

Kyle Broflovski and Eric Cartman. The worse story he could ever tell. But also the truest one.

And weirdly, knowing this helped him to sleep that night. Despite the fact he was with Heidi, despite the fact he was not the same anymore, despite everything... He had an answer. The one he was looking for since the first day Cartman started dating Heidi. It might be still insane, it was clear now.

He loved him.

 


	5. Happier

_Cartman point of view_

 

I look at my closet, wondering which clothes I could choose for my picnic with Heidi. Last time, she told me I was particularly cute in the white shirt. Why not ? I don't have other idea, after all. I can't be dressed as always for a date, can I ? She sure will appreciated my effort.

Heidi is always here to give me some ideas to look better, to do things better. She's like a second mom, except- we are dating. She teaches me to be more polite, respectful and well-bred. It's a new world I'm discovering thanks to her. She's always by my side, like the life was giving me a second chance. To won people's respect. .

But I'm happier like that. I know she'll never leave me, and it's really comforting. I never had this feeling before. I always thought I could count on myself and nobody else. When I look at my situation now, I realize how much it was terrifying. To feel so alone that I could never trust anybody. Only me.

Of course, I have my mother, and she's still here, God bless her. But she was the only one in this world who cared about me enough. I know now it should have been a really hard work for her. But now I have Heidi, she takes care of me, allowing my mom to finally have a rest.

Everything is okay, now. And everything is gonna be fine. As long as I keep Heidi near me. Nothing bad could happen to me.

I'll continue to fight hardly against the old me everyday just to make her proud.

I look at me in the mirror of my bathroom, with my new clothes. Lately, I spend much more time in the bathroom, trying to look like I also take care of myself.

Suddenly I saw something on my back in the reflexion of the mirror. It looks like a person.. With a red coat and a blue and yellow hat.

This person was me. Except he has the same clothes I was wearing everyday. He was staring at me with a mocking face, his arms are crossed and he is smirking.

"Hi, Eric." he greeted. "Miss me ?"

This voice.. I haven't use it for a while. And this behavior looks like the one I had when I was a selfish stupid boy. Why does he come back at this moment ?

"Fuck off. I'm busy right now." I reply, trying to focus on my own face on the Mirror.

" Yeah. Look at you " He told me. " Preparing yourself as the perfect faggy boyfriend."

I frowned at him.

"Don't you know your sentence doesn't make any sense?" I asked him.

" You can do whatever you want with who you want " he replied. "But you and I both know you're a fag."

"So are you, then?"

He shrugged.

"At least, I'm not acting like a stupid nerd submitting himself at a painful chick."

"Don't call her like that."

"Or what ?" He laughed. "You're gonna punch me ? It would be against your news values, isn't it ?"

"It would be wrong with anybody else. But if you remember well, I'm actually beating you since a few months."

He rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, I know you're so proud of yourself for being a weak piece of shit, congratulations, dick. Please guys give a medal to this man, he won the price of the faggest fag of the world."

"Shut the fuck up. I have more reasons to be proud of me than you ever had."

"Really, that's what you think ?" He laughed again. "I don't see how I could be proud of being like Leonard from Big Bang Theory."

"Leonard has a pretty girlfriend." I retorted.

"Yeah and she's the one he fell for their frist sight. I don't think you cared about Heidi before this Skankhunt24 story, am I wrong ?"

"So what ? It doesn't mean anything."

 "Stop making fun of me, man, I'm not a fool."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Of course you have, we are the same person."

I felt anger invading me. How dare him?

"No, we are _not_!" I shouted, facing him. "We have nothing to do with one another. You're a deep motherfucker who doesn't care about anyone and anything except yourself, people are constantly sick of your shit and they don't like you, that's specifically the reason why you're alone. You never had any real friend and you deserve it!"

"Oh God, are you telling me you have real friends now? Those friends who rejected me in that hut in the woods ?"

"They never rejected me, they rejected you!"

"Yeah, and that's why you rejected me right after, haven't you?"

"Yeah, 'cause you're a selfish dumbass. If you weren't, they'd never accuse you for being Skankhunt42. Even though they were wrong about the real troll, you deserved to be punished and now you're dead to me, as you are for everyone."

"I am not dead for everyone. Do you think anyone remembers me ? I'm too awesome to disappear from people's memories. They think you're boring now, that's almost what Kahl was implying the last time."

"Kahl is the first one who dreamt about your death, dude."

"Yeah, that's why you killed me, right?" He smirked."Because the stupid jew wanted to?"

"No, I did it for Heidi."

"Stop kidding me, you started to think about it even before Heidi."

"Well it's quite unavoidable when everybody's against you."

"I never cared about what people thought about me, otherwise you'd kill me for a while. You know that's not the reason of your 'evolution'."

"Nevermind, past is past. You don't exist anymore."

"However I'm still here." He observed.

"Because you're imposing yourself, as always."

"Fake news. I'm here because you invocated me."

"Stop dreaming."

"You know I'm right. You called me back when you were at Shakey's pizza, when Kenny told you about his curse and what he saw from the sky."

" I never called you back, I was just- thinking about all that I've been through until now."

"Yeah, and you realized your life was much more intense than right now. Think about it, I went to the future, I built a buisness of babies fight, I earned a myrrh record, what have you done except being a faggy boyfriend?"

"At least, someone loves me."

"People loved me too, dude, and I never had to change myself for that."

I snorted ironically.

"Nobody ever loved you."

"Wow, I see. So Butters, Kenny, Stan and Kyle doesn't matters?"

"Butters is too naive to hate someone, Kenny was just resigned to hanging out with you, Stan never gave two shits about you, and Kahl- I don't even have to comment."

"Then why did he hugged me in this hallway, when Kenny died?"

" I don't know, 'cause he's a nice guy, he would have do that with anyone."

"Oh, and that's also the reason he held my hand on that bench?"

"He held mine, not yours."

"Oh, I don't think so, dude. He did it when you started to invoke the relationship _we_ had before _you_ killed me."

I swallow by looking away.

"The one we have today is much more healthy."

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't feel like he agree with you regarding this."

"What do you know about Kahl's thoughts?"

"Are you kidding me ? I spent my life by looking for the smallest idea crossing his brain, his deepest fears and his unbelieveable weakness. I know him better than anyone, even this little fag of Stan. I'm pretty sure he's aware of this Inside of him."

"He doesn't care about you enough to be aware of anything about you."

"His hand on mine told me the contrary."

"It was _mine_."

"God, face it, Eric. You don't interest them  anymore. You could have fight for me, show them that even though I'm a motherfucker as you said, they need me. 'Cause my motherfuckerness saved their ass several times, and they can't deny it, no matter how much they hated me. You just lose your balls as you lost me, and it's a fucking mess, dude."

I sigh, really angry.

"Get. Out. "

" Truth hurts, huh ?" He snickered. "You can hide me if you want, dude, but you'll never kill me, do you know that?"

" I already killed you, you're nothing but a ghost." I shot back " I killed you the second where I met Heidi."

" Yeah, speaking of you're tasteless girlfriend, do you have any idea of the reason she avoided you during one entire day last time ?"

I blinked. What ? He was refering of the day where I couldn't find her?

"She said she was sick."

He rolled his eyes.

"Oh God, I'm the smart part of you, really ? How could you be so naive? Of course she wasn't."

"Heidi's not a liar. She's not like you."

"Unfortunately I am the only honest person of the three of us."

"What do you mean?"

"Just think about it one second. Kahl told you he wasn't 'comfortable' with you, the 'new you', Heidi disappeared during one day, and she's acting really weird when he was around, lately. Do you think it's a coincidence?"

I shake my head.

"You completely lost your mind. Are you implying she's cheating on me?"

"God, no! She's too well-mannered for stuff like this. But she doesn't know anything about me, does she? And Kahl does. He's really different since you're hiding me. Don't you think he supposed that if Heidi learn things about me, she would leave you?"

"Kahl would never do that. He's my friend."

"He hated me so much, you know. Maybe he just want to take his revenge."

"No, he's not like this."

"He's not like himself either, lately, if you haven't notice."

No. He couldn't be right.

 

Please.

 


	6. Illness

Boring rainy day. Kyle was sitting on the couch in front of the TV, just zapping the channels without really taking care of what happened on the screen. It was hard to be focus on it. To be focus anyway. After long hours of brain-sport, he finally ended his homework. But he took much more time to do it than usual and decided to take a break. Something had definitely changed in his life. In him.

It was ironical to notice that the fact Cartman suddenly changed completely made Kyle different at the same time. Just like they were connected in some ways. Like Kyle was connected to him. He thrilled thinking about this. Fortunately, a buzz from his phone putted this idea away.

It was Stan, asking him to come to his place. But when Kyle checked the window, he saw the sky almost black, the wind blowing and… Yeah. The ground of a storm which started. 

Boring stormy day. He hadn't the motivation to walk to his house. He answered he was working and just putted down his phone on the couch. He continued to zap. But someone knocked at the door.

 _Damn it…_ Kyle didn’t want to see anybody, today. He needed to be alone. With himself.

Painfully, he raised from the couch and walked heel to toe to the door. He couldn’t hide his surprise when he saw Cartman right in front of him. His heart started to race as the storm grounded in the sky once again. But it wasn’t the usual blank face Cartman had this time. He was angry.

“Cartman, what are you doing here ?”

Cartman took something from his bag and showed it to Kyle.

“ Tell me it wasn’t you.”

The folder was in his hands… The thing he expected it would change anything. Kyle stood speechless during a long moment. It was like everything was falling around him.

“Where did you pick it...”

He interrupted himself. What a stupid question.

“Heidi.” he concluded. After that he raised an eyebrow.

“You know everything, then… Why do you ask me ?” he demanded, confused.

“I want to hear it from you mouth. Go ahead and say it.” he commanded.

Kyle sighed, a bit relieved, but also a lot guilty. He had literally no excuse. So it was useless to try to lie. By the way, Cartman always knew when he was lying. 

“Okay, Cartman. It was me. I did it.” he confessed.

The other shook his head.

“What’s fucking wrong with you, dude ?” he shouted suddenly. “How the hell can you look at me in the eyes pretending you want to be my friend and stab me in my back this way ?”

“Look, it was a _huge_ mistake, I agree, but it doesn’t matter anymore !”

Cartman seemed even more angry.

“ How can you say that, for God’s sake ?”

“Just look at the situation right now " Kyle argued. " Heidi knows everything about you and she’s still with you. Now you know she’ll love you no matter what you have done !”

Each part of him was hurt by those words but he couldn’t denied the fact it was true. But it wasn’t enough for Cartman, apparently.

“I already knew that, you stupid.”

Kyle noticed that even with anger, he didn’t ended his sentence by " jew ". A really big change.

“So why didn’t you show her that before ?” He asked.

“Are you seriously expecting me to justify myself here ? My decision is none of your business, because it’s _my_ life, not _yours_.”

The redhead nodded slowly by staring at his feet.

“Yeah.. Yeah, I know you’re right. I’m sorry.” He admitted, grieving.

“Stop saying you’re sorry and explain everything to me.” 

Kyle started to breathe quicker. How could he explain he has a crush on his worse side ? It would be unbelievable. In fact, it _was_ unbelievable. But Cartman was still staring at him.

“Do you love my girlfriend ?” he asked.

“What ? No ! Of course not ! I don't even know her !" Kyle answered desperately.

" So why did you show her my historical?" Cartman roared. "I thought we were friends !"

Kyle knew he shouldn't do that...

"But maybe I don't want to be your friend!" he shot suddenly back.

Cartman looked at him, completely lost.

"So who do you want to be? My enemy?"

"No ! "

He bites his lower lip.

"  ... I want you to be yourself again. The old Cartman. The one who was always calling me 'stupid jew', who laughed at my 'gay speeches' and who was always conspiring against me."

"This "myself" doesn't exist anymore. Because of you."

"Really, because of _me_ ? "

"Yeah, the moment you betrayed me in that hut in the woods. The moment you looked at me in the eyes, without any trust and any sympathy, and you decided to destroy all my stuff!"

 _God damn it, he finally confessed about that_. Kyle hoped that moment so many times. But he didn't expect so much from him.

"Cartman, I already said I was sorry, I can buy you a new computer if you want-"

"I don't give a shit of my computer, Kahl!" Cartman yelled, with so much anger burning in his eyes. "Don't you understand what you did that night? You gave up on me. Our friendship never made any sense, but at least it was  _ real _ . And  _ you _ ruined it. You choose to not believe me. And I realized that I could do anything I wanted, you'd never believed in me at anytime of your fucking life."

"Dude, you're going too far.” Kyle protested. “You were the one who harassed me every day. Every fucking day of insults, provocations and humiliation."

Cartman rolled his eyes.

"You miserable dumb ass, has it occurred to you that if I did insult you every day, it might be because I wanted to get your attention?"

Kyle froze suddenly.

"Wh- my attention?"

"Yes, you were always hanging out with Stan, laughing with Stan, having fun with Stan, and the only rares moments you talked to me was to return my insults! So I had no choice!"

Was he really explaining that all this comedy was just to earn his friendship ? It would be... exaggerated. But it looked like Cartman, after all. Kyle frowned.

"But… Why my attention was so important?"

"Because you  _ are _ important to me, you fucking sneaky jew rat of my asshole!"

Kyle felt his heart melting suddenly. Ironical considering he just started again to insult him. But... He was... Did he really hear that ?

"Are you serious?"

"I've never been so serious!”  Cartman exploded. “ Why do you think I've changed ? If you couldn't accept me for who I really am - even  _ you _ -, then I had no reason to be myself anymore."

Then tears started to appear in his eyes, letting Kyle more torn than he’s ever been. He slowly tried to grab his arm.

" Cartman- "

" Don’t touch me. " Cartman answered by pushing him away.

" Just listen to me. "

" Listen to you, why should I listen you ? How am I even supposed to trust anything that you say ? "

" How are y- But because of everything we’ve been through together !” Kyle snapped. “All these years, letting you stay with me and the guys, while I could just excluded you. I had one million reasons to do it. Why do you think I never did it ? After all your insults, your provocations and your… your… Cartmaness !"

Cartman blinked.

"I’ve never let you go because I cared about you, Cartman. Like, really. I can’t even tell why or how it’s possible but the point is that you’re the most fucking irrational thing that ever happened to me. Just like the fact I hate to see you with Heidi, to give her that you never gave me, to show her that you never showed me, and for who you turned into this... this... tasteless person I don’t recognize anymore.”

This speech seemed to disturb Cartman because he looked at him with a really shocked expression, like he just received a punch right on his face. But after a few seconds, he frowned again.

" If that ‘myself’ mattered so much, why didn’t you just tell me all of this before ? And why didn’t you believe me about Skankhunt42 ?"

Kyle rolled his eyes.

"Seriously Cartman, how could I believe you considering all that you did before ?"

"Uh, I don't know ? By trust your friend. You know, the one you pretended caring about a few seconds ago.”

Kyle simply stopped to speak. It was worse than he thought: Cartman didn’t believe him. At all. He opened his heart to him like he never did before and his words seemed just like… Lies… In his hears ?

Did he hurt him that much ?

“You know what ?” Cartman continued. “You were right. Heidi never had any doubt about me. Even when she found out everything about my past. Everything in this fucking folder you gave her just to ruin my life once again. She forgave me all my mistakes. It proves that she really loves me. And you never did.”

Then he just came out the house and slammed the door behind him.

“Cartman!” Kyle called uselessly.

He was already gone. And the red head was still in front of the door closed, doing his best to not crying like a baby... But some tears rolled on his cheeks though. He never hated himself more than right now.

Because he realized Cartman was right. All this time he criticized Heidi, whereas she was still with him even when she knew what kind of person he could be. She just needed one day to think about that... And she finally decided to forgive him.

Kyle didn't. And he felt like it was his punishment forever.

However, Cartman was completely wrong by saying it proved he didn't really love him. Because seeing him leaving his house this way and be aware he was mad at him made him sick. 

He never really cared about the fact Cartman hated him before, because he knew that he'd always come back. It wasn't that kind of deep and sincere hate who ruin a relationship. It was like... Superficial. Kyle kind of always knew Cartman liked him at least a little bit deep inside. He hated what he represented. But the person he was was his friend no matter what happened.

But now... Kyle knew Cartman really hated him like he never hated someone before. And it hurted like hell.

He slowly returned to the couch and took his phone. Now, he didn't want to be alone anymore. So he decided to come at Stan's, hoping he was still here.

 He went to the bathroom to try to hide his bloated face before leaving the house too. 

But when Stan opened the door, he immediatly noticed that something was wrong.

"Are you okay, dude ?" Stan asked, worried.

"Hi, Stan." Kyle greeted. "Can I come in ?"

"Yeah, of course."

Kyle walked into the living room.

"Is that your homework which depress you like that ?" His friend tried to joke.

But Kyle didn't even smile.

"Hey..." the raven-haired boy muttered by approaching him. "Tell me what's going on."

The other sighed. One side of him didn't want to tell him because he'd remind him this bad moment, but his other side wanted to cry on his best friend's shoulder... He tried to choose a compromise.

" I don't know if it's a good idea to talk to you about that..." He said by biting his lower lip.

" Dude, you're my Super Best Friend, you can tell me what you want. I'm the last person who's gonna repeat this to the others." Stan remembered him.

"I know, it's not about that... It's just... I'm afraid of your reaction."

Stan frowned, incredulous.

"My reaction ? Why ?" He asked.

" 'Cause... You're always telling me to not giving a shit about that, and maybe you are right, but the point is that it's impossible to me. I can't stop thinking about this and it makes me... Argh... Completely insane!"

Stan observed him during a few seconds. He crossed his arms on his chest.

"Let me guess. It's about Cartman?"

For sure, Stan was his best friend. Kyle looked at him back in response. Stan sighed too.

"Of course, it's Cartman. Who else would it be ?" he continued by sitting on his couch.

"I know what you're gonna say. 'He's a miserable dumbass and you know that better than anyone'..."

"Yeah, am I wrong ?" Stan asked..

Kyle hesitated a moment before answering: "No."

"Glad we agree about this."

"But there is another thing... Which makes all the others even more complicated." Kyle confessed.

Stan stared at him, waiting for the next part.

"Yes ?"

Kyle was so insecure right now. Even though he was his best friend, it was so hard. It was when he had to admit it to himself, but now if he says the truth out loud it would be officially real. And it was so terrifying.

He closed his eyes.

"I think I have a kind of... crush on him."

It seemed to take a large effort to say it because he felt a weigh in his chest flying away. He prepared himself to hear the big exclamation of Stan but after some seconds, he realized that any sound came from him. He gazed at him. Stan didn't seem surprised at all. In fact, he seemed just a little bit... disappointed.

During a few seconds, Kyle thought his friend just froze because he was really shocked.

"Stan?"

Stan blinked and shrugged.

"I heard you. I'm just counting how much time you took to finally admit it." he answered.

This time, it was Kyle who was surprised.

"You... You knew it ?"

It didn't make any sense. Kyle realised that just one day ago. 

"Kyle, you're my best friend." Stan observed. "I know you better than anyone. Don't you think I'm able to see that kind of stuff ?"

"Well, I haven't seen it myself, so..."

"Oh please, nothing was more obvious." Stan said, rolling his eyes. " Remember that I spent my life with both of you. Hearing your arguments everytime. Your obsession with him grewn as we all grewn up."

"But... If you knew why didn't you just tell me ?" He reproached him.

"Because " Stan sighed. " I know Cartman too. I know how he's using people who cares about him and I rather die than seeing you trapped in a relationship with a psychopath. I never told you because I'm a good friend, unlike him."

Kyle shook his head.

"If you were a good friend, you would've let me decide myself what is good for me and what isn't." Kyle remarked.

"No offense, dude, but you have no idea of what is good for you. You're always thinking about others, about things which could help them and what could change their bad sides... You never really cared about you. The fact you were sick about the story around Skankhunt42 when everyone - implying Cartman himself -just forgot this episode, proves I was right. And that's exactly why I never told you. You'd think about his happiness before yours. And it would've destroy you."

Tears appeared finally on Kyle's cheeks again. He felt really betrayed.

"Well, I feel destroyed right now. And not because I love him, but because when I tried to tell him, he didn't believe me. He said that if I really cared about him, I should have told him before. And if you had told me, maybe things would have been totally different today !"

"Don't try to report the fault on me." The raven-haired boy protested. " If you haven't realize this before, it's because like I said, you never think about yourself and what you feel. I'm not responsible of that ! All I did was just to protect you!"

"I don't need protection, I need the truth, Stan !" Kyle grounded.

"Okay, you want the truth, Kyle ? Cartman would have never change for you!" Stan suddenly declared.

Damn, it really hurted. 

"He did when he thought I gave up on him" Kyle defended himself.

"Yeah, because as long as you continued to hanging out with him, he thought he was okay. But thank God when you finally decided to let him go _definitely,_ he woke up. And he became a good person. I won't apologize for doing the right thing." Stan explained.

"It's not the right thing to break someone, to ruin years of friendship and trust just because we're not able to accept the person he is." Kyle pointed out. "And it's definitely not the right thing to lie to your friends."

"It was necessary." Stan simply answered.

Kyle was staring at his friend like he didn't really knew who was in front of him. He couldn't believe what Stan did during all this time. It was completely disrespectful.

Even when Kyle didn't approve the relationship between Stan and Wendy, he never interfered because he knew it was his private life and he had no reason to decide instead of him. He was sure his Super Best Friend would have done the same for him. But once again, he was completely wrong.

"We clearly doesn't have the same definition of friendship" Kyle answered with a dark tone. "Then I think I have nothing to do in here anymore."

He turned himself to the door.

"I know you'll need time, Kyle." Stan told him while he  was almost opening it. "But someday, you'll understand why I did it."

Kyle gazed at him.

"I already understand. I just disagree with you."

He left Stan's house with a heavy heart.

It was still raining in South Park. A sad, dark and depressed rain. We could almost hear the song _Say Something_ just like when everyone thought Craig and Tweek broke up. It made Kyle smiled a little. But fastly the pain invaded him again.

How could Tweek and Craig share a love so sweet just by a misunderstanding, and him and Cartman be separated because of the same thing ? Life is so unfair. So cruel.

Kyle walked during a long time under the rain, just thinking about his miserable life. How he ruined everything. How things couldn't be worse.

He was completely wet when he came home, but he didn't care at all. Unfortunately, his body did care about it.

When he woke up the next day, he was sick.

"No school today" his mom declared, which was actually a really rare event.

But just by looking at him, we could guess he was completely weak. His nose was as red as his hair. His eyes were so little that the old Cartman would have probably called him 'chinese ginger' or something like that. Regarding his voice, we could almost hear it.

But Kyle hadn't the force to fight against it, anyway. He didn't want to come back to school. To see Heidi with Cartman acting like they were soulmates or shit like that. To see his "Super Best Friend" who lied to him during years. He didn't want to see anybody. Ever.

 

A few days passed and Kyle's statement wasn't better. His mom was obviously worried, she tried to bring all the best doctors to the house but there were nothing to do. They all said the same thing "If he doesn't want to heal, he won't." And he didn't want to heal. 

Stan tried several times to visit him, but Kyle refused. He was stucked in his bed, much too weak to think about anything. And it was... refreshing, in some ways. Because he was always thinking usually, and for the first time, his brain just stopped to be functional.

Maybe he needed it. Always trying to solve a problem, to find rational facts which could explain a phenomeon. It was just like his body told him to stop. It was actually the thing which made him sad. Thinking and thinking without having a rest.

Lying on his bed, sleeping all the day, drinking Sheila's teas, listening (not really) doctors talking to him...

But all of this was suddenly interrupted by an unexpected visit.

"I said I didn't want to see Stan" Kyle repeated with his broken voice.

"It's not Stan, bubbe" Sheila answered. 

"Whatever, I don't want to see anybody."

"Kyle, it's important." His mom protested. "It's someone who brought your homework. Be reasonable and let him come in."

Kyle sighed.

"Okay, he can come in..."

He expected Kenny or maybe Butters to enter in his room but instead of that... He saw Craig Tucker standing next to him.

Saying it was a surprise was an euphemism.

 _What the fuck_ , Kyle couldn't help but think.

Craig and Kyle weren't exactly enemies but they were far away to be friends. The only thing they had in common was.. Tweek.

"God, I wanted to see Kyle, not a ghost." Craig said with his neutral voice.

"Hello to you too" Kyle mumbled.

Craig walked closer to the bed of the red head.

"I bring you all the work you'll have to do when you'll be okay." He informed by showing him all the books inside his bag.

Kyle frowned.

"Why?"

Craig shrugged.

"Because you're a nerd and if you don't get an A when you'll come back you'll probably kill yourself." He supposed.

The red head raised an eyebrow.

"Thanks, but I meant... Why _you_ ?"

Craig didn't look at Kyle in the eyes. Apparently, the reason was embarrassing. What the hell did he just do ?

"Well... I heard Stan wasn't authorized to enter in your house. I don't care about why but... Someone had to do it." He simply explained.

Kyle crossed his arms on his chest.

"Yeah. And it still ask the question: why is it you ? Is Kenny dead ?"

 _Again ?_ he thought with a little chuckle.

"... No."

"Is Butters kidnapped ?"

" Nope."

"So can you tell what the hell are you doing here, Craig Tucker ?" Kyle asked.

 _Maybe all my friends are against me now, he thought._ Maybe nobody wanted to bring him his homework so Mr. Garrison had to choose a kid to do it. And it was Craig.

"They... They're all mad at me ?"

"What ? No. I mean, I have no fucking idea. It's just... I... asked to Mr. Garrison if I could give you your homework."

Kyle was still staring at him, incredulous. Craig sighed.

"Because... Lately, Tweek and I... we talked. A lot. Actually, we spent an entire night to talk together and it was... Nice. He explained to me all his fears about me and I... I told him what I admired in him. And we finally went to the conclusion that... We both made mistakes and it's stupid to be focus on it. The most important is to accept each other."

Kyle smiled a little. Not only because this story was cute, but also because he began to understand what Craig meant.

"So what ?" he said, mischievous.

Craig rolled his eyes.

"So he told me he changed a little his opinions about the violence thing partly thank to you."

Kyle smiled even more.

"So you bring me my homework in order to...?"

"For God's sake, I brought it because someone had to do it !" Craig declared.

But Kyle giggled loudly.

"I suppose what you wanted to say is 'thank you, Kyle, you're a great buddy'?".

"You're not a great buddy." Craig denied.

"Okay, if you say so" Kyle accepted, still smiling."But you're here because you're grateful, am I wrong ?"

"I'm here for Tweek, because I'm glad we're okay."

"But you admitted it is thank to me." Kyle smirked.

"Okay, okay, it's thank to you." Craig admitted, exasperated. " Happy, now ?"

But Kyle's amusement disappeared quickly.

"Not really." He sighed. "But thanks to make me laugh. It hadn't happened for a while."

It was true. The last time he laughed was at Shakey's pizza. With Cartman.

"Okay" Craig said. " I guess I have to ask you what's going on, or I'll be a jerk, isn't it ?"

Kyle stared at his feet. Was it useful to talk about it ?

"It's okay, I don't think it would change anything."

"If it was true, I would be fighting with Tweek right now." He stopped a few seconds before adding; "Which actually would be better than being here, but whatever." 

Kyle rolled his eyes.

"So, tell me about your problems." Craig encouraged him... the best he could.

The other boy thought about the situation and it was a real mess. He didn't even know where to start.

"All I could say is that I lost someone I really care about because of someone who pretended caring about me." He summed up.

Craig looked at him.

"Uhuh, and like you don't have so many friends, I guess one of them is Stan and the other one is probably... Kenny, or Cartman ?"

That was the problem with South Park. It was too small.

"Bingo."

"God damn it, you guys are pussies." He declared.

"And you're a fag. What a big deal."

Craig shook his head.

"Don't play that game with me, Broflovksi. You're just like me."

Kyle froze. Does anyone in South Park didn't know he was gay ?

"Okay, who are you, Gossip Girl ?"

Craig smirked.

"No, I'm together with a boy who tell me everything." he explained.

"Oh." Kyle simply answered. 

" Don't 'oh' me." He shot back. "Anyway. What about just telling this 'someone' you care about that you care about him?"

"I did. But it wasn't really effective. He didn't believe me."

"Why ?"

"Because... I didn't support him when I should do."

"And you're supporting him right now ?"

...

"No."

"Okay. Maybe it could be a good start." Craig suggested.

"I can't support the person he is today. I don't like this person. I like the one he used to be."

Craig frowned, thinking.

"Well... Maybe you could find a way to show him that you really cared about the old him ?"

"How ?"

"I don't know, he's your friend, not mine."

"Great advice, Tucker." He mumbled.

"Hey, I never pretended I was good at this stuff. I'm trying."

Kyle smiled at him.

"You're right, I'm sorry." He sighed. "It's just I'm.. hopeless. I don't know what to do."

"How did he proves he cared about you ?" Craig suddenly asked him.

Kyle blinked.

"Well... I don't know. He never did it for real. You know Cartman."

"Oh, so we're talking about Cartman. I wasn't sure."

"I mean, he did some things for me but... He never told me. So I never knew it proved he cared about me."

"Please forgive me, but that's bullshit." Craig observed.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I remember once, I went to a basketball match with Token and Jimmy. We had a lot of fun but suddenly... Cartman appeared on the screen of the gymnasium. And he started the gayer speech I ever heard of my life just for you, then he sang a stupid song at the top of his lungs."

Kyle laughed again by shooking his head.

" He did it just because I was with Nichole. He wanted to see her with Token, that's the only reason he did that."

"Are you sure?" Craig demanded, not convinced. "Because he seemed really sincere on the screen."

Kyle shrugged.

"Well, he's a great actor."

"No, no, no. Me and the guys all agree to say... It was a secret way to tell you what he really felt for you."

"Wait, you guys agree ? You're talking about us?"

"Uh.. Most of the times we're laughing at you, yeah, especially Cartman. And we always believed this guy had a big big crush on you."

Kyle started to blush. He didn't expected a reaction so violent. But he was sick, after all.

"Really ?"

"Yeah. You know, he used his dolly to admit he needed to give up on his toys. So he could have use Token and Nichole to admit he had a thing for you. It make sense, isn't it ?"

Indeed, it made sense. Kyle never seen this moment like that. Maybe Craig's visit wasn't so useless, after all.

Suddenly, a big smile appeared on the red head's lips.

"You know what, Craig ? I think you gave me an idea." 

 


	7. Lies

A few times ago, in another snowy day in South Park….

 

_Stan is doing his homework in his room while someone knock at his door._

_-It’s open! He shouts._

_He expected to see Kyle, but instead of him Cartman appeared in the room, with a bunch of balloons with the LGBT’s colors in one hand and a placard where it’s written “Happy coming-out!” in the other hand._

_-Hi, dude ! He greets with a strange grin._

_Stan glances at him and frowned almost immediately._

_-What the fuck is this, Cartman? He asked._

_-I came here to congrats you and wish you the best ! He announced, proud of himself._

_Stan blinked._

_-Congrats me for what ?_

_Cartman shook the balloons and the placard, like it was obvious._

_\- For your coming-out, of course !_

_Stan sighed._

_\- Okay, I don’t even want to know what you’re doing._

_He continued to focus on his homework.. But as always, Cartman was determined to get his point. He approached him._

_\- Don’t play the innocent, Stan. Now that Tweek and Craig came out, you have the opportunity to do the same._

_Stan facepalmed. He was seriously bringing this up again._

_-What?_

_-I saw how confused you were about this story, Cartman explained. You were wondering about you and Kahl, weren’t you? Well, congrats, you can claim your couple to everyone, now!_

_Stan rolled his eyes._

_\- I can’t believe you’ve done all of this just for this reason._

_-I’m just trying to be a good friend, Cartman said innocently._

_-Oh, really, you’re trying to be a good friend, that’s why you’re here? Stan questioned, not convinced._

_-I'm here because I don't know what the hell you're doing, buddy. Why don't you tell everyone you are together?_

_-Because we're not together, Cartman. Fuck off._

_The brunet seemed surprised at the beginning, but he finally smiled with an obvious hypocrisy._

_-Oh, it's so cute, you're shy._

_Overwrought, Stan turned himself to face Cartman again._

_-Why is that an obsession for you, Cartman ? Why is that so important to you that I have to prove you that we're not gay? You know what I think ? You hope Kyle and I aren't gay more than the contrary._

_Cartman’s face changed suddenly. His smile disappeared and he looked… almost afraid._

_-Why would I hope that?_

_-Because you're the one who want to be with Kyle, Stan declared._

_Cartman interrupted himself._

_-What? Why would I want to be with Kyle ? Cartman protested. I hate him. He's a jew, he's a fag and he's..._

_-He's your main topic of obsession, dude, Stan pointed out. Almost everything you do is about him. You think I haven't notice?_

_A strange silence invaded the room as Stan was staring at Cartman, furious. After some seconds, the brunet looked away._

_-That's bullshit, he mumbled._

_-Really ?_

_Stan jumped from his chair and walked to him._

_-So tell me, if you hated him so much, why did you save his life? If you want his death as bad as you said, why didn't you let him die when you could?_

_-I never saved his life._

_-Don't fool me, dude, and what about San Francisco?_

_-I needed someone I could laugh at._

_-And in Imaginationland?_

_-What?_

_-You told him to fight for his life._

_A strange fire was burning in the brunet’s eyes. He clearly lost control of himself._

_-No! No, that's not what I meant! I did it because I wanted him to suck my balls!_

_Stan raised an eyebrow._

_-Is that supposed to prove the contrary?_

_-No, I... God damn it, Stan, shut the fuck up! You're being insane!_

_-I'm insane because I think you made way more gay stuff for Kyle than I did? Stan asked by crossing his arms on his chest._

_-Yes! I don't love Kyle, I don't even like him. Stop your idiocies._

_-You first, the dark-haired boy shot back. You're always implying that we are gay because you're afraid to admit that you are._

_\- I'm not gay, Stan._

_Yeah. He could do or say anything he wants, Cartman would never admit it. It made Stan sighing._

_-Well, it doesn't matter anyway, he replied. 'Cause Kyle doesn't love you and he never will. He's not even gay, so let it go._

_The look in his eyes after those words almost made him guilty. But he hadn’t choice._

_-Of couse he's doesn’t love me, dumbass, Cartman said._

_Stan stood as cold as he could._

_-Yeah. Neither he loves me in that way. So get the fuck over it, okay ? And let me do my goddamn homework._

_Surprisingly, Cartman didn’t protest. His head seemed lower. He let go the balloons and threw the placard on the floor before leaving Stan’s room._

 

Today.

_Spring ball._

 

All the boys were standing in front of the sheet placarded on the board in the hallways of the school.

“A ball ?” Butters repeated. “I didn’t know that.”

“You do, now, Butters” Stan told him.

“It means we have to bring a girl out there, so ?” He asked worriedly.

“Only if you want to.” Kenny shrugged.

“Who said it must be a girl ?” Craig asked.

“No offense, dude, but you’re not really my type.” Butters blew.

“ What a disappointment.”

Stan frowned and looked at Craig.

“Since when Craig Tucker want to go to a ball, anyway?”

Craig acted like he was thinking.

“Er… Maybe because my date is way hotter than all of yours?”

This sentence provoked a big moan of disgust by his classmates which made Craig smiling. Or… At least this strange face which looks like a kind of smile.

“Tweek turned you into a cheesy fag” Token observed.

“A cheesy redneck” Kenny corrected.

“Yeah and you know a lot about them, don’t you, Kenny ?” Craig teased.

“Fuck you.” He replied. “By the way, I thought you and Tweek were in conflict.”

Craig glanced at Kenny. He didn’t seem surprised but Craig was bad at showing facial expressions anyway so he was certainly.

“Who told you about that ?” he asked.

“Everybody knew, dude” Stan explained. “The whole school is looking at you and Tweek all the time. Especially girls.”

Craig rolled his eyes.

“God damn it, you’re all really hopeless.” He commented. “Well, stop crying and eating ice cream because everything is okay between us, now.”

“Okay but what happened between you two? Why were you always arguing lately?” Butters demanded.

“None of your business, dude.”

 

Heidi spotted Cartman opening his locker in silence. She immediately joined him.

“Hi, babe!” she greeted. Cartman glanced at her.

“Oh, hi, sweetheart. How are you?”

“I’m fine. But what about you ? You haven’t call me, yesterday.” she said, a bit worried.

Cartman shrugged.

“Yeah, uh… Sorry, I had things to do.”

Heidi frowned.

“Are you sure you’re okay ? You seems… Different.”

Cartman forced himself to smile at her as honestly as possible.

“Don’t worry, honey. I’m just tired.”

“Okay. You’ll better sleep tonight.” she replied. “Did you see what’s placarded on the board?”

He raised an eyebrow.

“No?”

“There is a ball organized that Saturday.”

“Oh. A ball?”

“Yeah. You know, that place where we’ll have to dance, wearing classy clothes and… have fun.”

He just nodded absently.

“Hmm.”

She looked at him.

“So ? Don’t you have anything to ask me?”

He glanced at her a second time.

“Oh, yeah ! Of course ! Hum… Heidi Turner, will you go to the ball with me ?”

But Heidi didn’t seem enthusiastic by this proposition.

“Eric, what’s going on ? I see it when something is not okay, you know.”

Cartman sighed.

“I’m sorry, babe, I just… argued with a friend this week-end.” he simply explained.

“What friend ?” Heidi asked immediately. But Cartman didn’t answer, focus on his locker. However, Heidi wasn’t a fool.

“Is it Kyle ?” she insisted.

Cartman looked at her.

“Will you be mad at me if I say ‘yes’?”

“Of course not, babe. I’d be mad at you if you’d lie to me.” she said.

“Oh, and if you lie to me, can I be mad at you ?” he replied dryly.

Heidi seemed interrogative.

“What are you talking about ?”

“Kyle gave you a folder a few days ago, isn’t it ?”

Heidi’s face changed. She hasn’t support Cartman’s look.

“He told you.” she muttered.

“Nope. I find it by myself.” His boyfriend replied.

Heidi frowned.

“What ? You said you went trough my stuff ? It doesn’t look like you.”

Cartman had a strange expression after those words. He shook his head.

“Well, anyway I wanted him to explain me what he did.”

“Look, Eric… I want you to know that no matter what he feels for me, it’s just one-sided.” She promised.

The brunet stared at his girlfriend with an intensity questionable.

“ I know, sweetheart. I’m not worried about that.”

“So what are you worried about ? Tell me.” she encouraged him by holding his hand.

“He haven’t show up for a week. And I can’t help but think it’s… partly my fault.”

“Aw, you’re so cute when you’re worried about your friends. But it’s okay, he’s just ill. He will come back soon.”

She spotted Stan who was walking near them.

“See, there’s Stan. Maybe he knows how he is.” She suggested. “Hey, Stan!”

The interested one saw the couple. He approached them.

“Hi, lovebirds.”

“Have you got news of Kyle ? Eric’s worried.”

Stan glowered at him.

“Really ?” he asked.

Cartman looked at him too. He seemed inexplicably guilty.

“Y-yeah.” he replied lowly.

“Well, I don’t know. Her mother didn’t want me to see him.” he lied.

Cartman frowned.

“Since when Sheila doesn’t want you to see his son? She adores you.”

Stan shrugged.

“I don’t know, dude. I’m not reading in other’s thoughts.”

They continued to look at each others, suspicious.

“Can I talk to you for a second, Stan ?” Cartman finally asked.

“Okay, if you want.”

He turned himself to Heidi.

“It won’t be long.”

He kissed her chick quickly and followed the raven-haired boy in the corner of the hallway.

“When did you saw Kyle the last time ?”

Stan raised an eyebrow.

“Is it an interrogation, Cartman ?”

But the brunet gave him a look which meant he wasn’t here to joke.

The raven-haired boy sighed.

“Last Saturday night.” He replied.

“What a coincidence. I saw him right before.” He observed.

Stan was staring at his feet, apparently uncomfortable.

“I guess he told you everything, then.” Cartman finally sighed.

“He’s my best friend, dude.”

Those words seemed to disturb the fat boy. In his eyes, we could almost see… Kind of sadness.

“Yeah. I know that, believe me.” He muttered.

“So what do you want to know, exactly ?” Stan questioned.

Cartman was hesitant.

“When… When Kyle said he… cared about me. I wasn’t sure in what way he said it. Or… if he even meant it. I guess… you know the truth better than me, don’t you?”

Stan looked at Cartman, with a strange expression. He didn’t answer yet, it was just like he was thinking about how he could explain things by his own words without saying something wrong.

“Kyle has been really affected by the story about Skankhunt42.” He finally said. “I guess that’s because it’s the first time he judged wrongly someone. He’s always trying to find the truth and he blames himself because he made a mistake. He’s just… over reacting. So maybe he exaggerated a little bit when he told you what he told you. I think you just have to… stay away from him, and come back when he’ll stop his anxiety around this.”

Cartman nodded silently.

“So he didn't meant it, right?”

Stan rolled his eyes, a little grumpy.

“Why does it even matters to you?”

“You know why, Stan.”

A short silence appeared, letting the raven-haired boy reluctant.

“Yeah, and I already told you that he could never have feelings for you.” Stan remembered him. “How could he? After everything you did!”

“I know, I know, it's insane, but... I always thought that maybe, someday, he could understand why I did it, and-”

“Understand ? Stan repeated. “Understand what, Cartman ? That you were a deep, shameless asshole because you couldn't admit you were gay? Is that an excuse?”

“N-no, of course not, but-”

“Explain me how it's possible to love someone who spent his entire life to ruin them by every ways. Don't you think it's pretty logical to hate someone who does absolutely everything to make them think he does?”

“Kahl is smart, Stan. He could have guess...”

“But there is _nothing_ to guess!” Stan exploded. “If you really cared about Kyle, even as a friend, you would never do anything you did. That's not how we treat people we care about, Cartman. You have literally no excuse for being such a deep shit, and maybe if you aren't friends anymore, it's just because you weren't supposed to be friends at the beginning!”

“Stan, calm down, I'm just making some hypothesis. “

“Then stop it.” Stan commanded. “Don't think about the old you who were dangerously obsessed with Kyle. You can't call that 'love'. It was an abusive, unhealthy and destroying feeling which just made you bad. There is nothing to regret from this time. You're better now. Right?”

“I'm...”

“Are you better now or aren't you?”

If Stan’s look was a gun, Cartman would be already dead. The brunet just stared at his feet.

“I _am_ better now, I know, I just wanted to be sure... He wasn't...”

“What ?”

Cartman sighed.

“Nothing. You are right. There is nothing to regret.”

Stan approved with a head’s move.

“Fine.” He simply said. “We have to go to class.”

He let him there, alone, with a grieving face. But Stan didn’t care about the fact he hurted him. He would never let anything bad happen to his best friend.

 

Cartman was sitting on a bench of the schoolyard. He hesitated a short moment before taking the folder which was still in his bag. Slowly, he opened it. The elastic band broke.

 _Fuck_ , he thought. _Why everything goes wrong today?_

The first thing he saw was a picture of Kyle. Of course, Kyle was his main target on Internet. This photo wasn’t the last one of all the folder. He turned pages and he appeared sometimes.

Cartman shook his head. His obsession was way too exaggerated. The old him had a real problem with the red head.

Well… Just like the new one. To think that no matter what he could do, he can’t escape to him. Despite all he did to get over him… It was noneffective.

He had to stop it definitely.

“Hey, Cartman. What are you doing?” A voice called.

Cartman raised his head, weirdly expecting it to be Kyle. But instead, there was blond hair in front of him.

“Hi, Butters.” He greeted. He glanced at the folder. Well, it was useless to lie to Butters, after all. “Er… I’m just… Reading my historical.” He explained.

“Your historical ?” Butters repeated.

“Yeah, you know when Skankhunt42 harassed girl on the net and everyone’s historical has been revealed to the world.”

Butters nodded.

“Oh. Y-yeah, I remember, now. But why do you do that?”

“I don’t know… Maybe I just want to face all the horrid things I did by the past.”

Butters looked at him with a confused face.

“That’s… so sad.” He muttered.

Cartman shrugged.

“Maybe. But maybe it’s a good way for me to say ‘goodbye’ to the old me for the last time.” He pointed out.

“Yeah, but what was wrong with the old you?” Butters questioned by sitting next to him. ‘Why do you have to tell him goodbye?”

During some seconds, Cartman wanted to laugh. But he remembered it wasn’t really funny. Butters was so gentle and naive that he thought nothing was really wrong with the old Cartman.

Maybe it was time to be honest with him.

“Butters, I don’t want to upset you, but… Many of the horrid things I did were against you.” He informed him piteously. ”I was using you.”

But Butters’ reaction wasn’t the one he expected. He didn’t seem shocked or angry or sad at all. Her face was still the same.

“Yeah, well, everyone is using me all the time.” He simply said. “Even my parents so… Whatever.”

Cartman blinked.

“You’re aware of that?” He questioned, more for himself than for the blond boy.

Butters chuckled.

“Of course I am, dude. Do you think I’m that dumb?”

Cartman frowned. Why was he acting like he didn’t care? Was it really possible to not care about that?

“But… If you knew I was using you, why did you continue to hang out with me?” Cartman insisted, lost.

Butters seemed to think about it during a short moment.

“I don’t know.” He finally replied. “Because you felt so alone… I mean, you had Stan, Kyle and Kenny but you never wanted to show them when you were sad or weak. I never knew why, but it’s like you wanted to prove them you were emotionless… But nobody can keep all those feelings inside. You needed someone with who you weren’t ashamed of feeling bad. So it was me.”

Something was hurting Cartman by hearing those words, but it was nothing but the truth. He never wanted to look weak in front of the guys, even though they were his friends. But he putted so much energy to impress them that he forgot he couldn’t always be as strong as he wanted to show it. And when he felt tears on his eyes or anger invading him… He ended with Butters who was always there to hold his hand. Without never complaining about this.

“So you’re saying… You thought I was pathetic.” He concluded.

Butters smiled at him.

“You were, dude. But it’s okay. Everybody’s pathetic sometimes.’

“How can you…?”

He interrupted himself. Incredible Butters. Nobody asked him to play this role and he just naturally accepted to take all his bad emotions without any judgment.

 _You still think I don’t have real friends?_ The old Cartman was asking him deep inside.

But the brunet chased him quickly.

It was somehow nice to learn this. So he could react, this time.

“Well, thank you, Butters.” He said softly. “And… Sorry for using you.”

Butters shrugged.

“Don’t worry about that.” He reassured him. “Now I’m happy. I have a fantastic Canadian girlfriend. Even though I’m afraid to lose my balls when I’m gonna to tell her I have to bring someone else to the ball”

Cartman looked at his friend.

“Butters, nobody said you had to bring someone to the ball if you don’t want to.” He advertised him.

“But I want to !” Butters protested. “I don’t want to be the only one to go single out there. It’s… humiliating. And I’m sick of this.”

Cartman nodded.

“Fair enough. Well, you just have to explain her the situation.” He advised.

“I will, but I’m not sure her reaction will be really sincere.”

“Why not?”

“Because, Cartman, when someone is jealous they’re not always showing it directly. Sometimes they just.. Act weirdly.”

“Act weirdly ? Like what?”

“I don’t know but… When Charlotte is jealous, she’s just being passive-aggressive. She’s telling me everything’s alright then suddenly she explodes and her explanation is so insane that I hardly believe it… I mean, Heidi never did that with you?”

Cartman thought about what happened the last week-end.

“No… Not Heidi.” He mumbled.

“Well, you’re a lucky man.”

The brunet sighed.

“If you say so.”

 

Stan was looking at his reflection in the mirror of the toilets. Another day without Kyle. It was harder than he expected. But it was more that heavy thing on his chest which appeared since their last argument that bothered him than the fact he wasn’t there.

Usually, when they argue, they talk about it later and it’s quickly finished. But now… He wasn’t even here to talk about this. And he didn’t even want to see him at his own house. It never happened before. He must be really angry for doing this…

But Stan couldn’t tell Kyle what he wanted to hear. He was still sure his decision was the best. He had to recognize he was right, now. Maybe it will be better after that.

When he came out from the room, someone caught him almost immediately. It was Wendy.

“Stan, what’s going on with Kyle ?” she asked worriedly. “It doesn’t look like him to skip class.”

The raven-haired rolled his eyes. Why everybody was asking him about Kyle ?

“He’s ill, Wendy. Not a big deal.”

But Wendy frowned, not convinced.

“You and I both know there’s something more than that. He’s unrecognizable, lately.”

Stan acted like he didn’t care.

“He’ll get over it, I guess.” He replied.

“You guess?” Wendy repeated. “Who are you, Stan ?”

She faced it which made him stop his way.

“ Where is the Stan I fell in love with who cared about his friends?”

Stan sighed. How could he forget how determined was his ex-girlfriend?

“I _do_ care about him” He protested. “ It’s just… This time I can’t do anything for him. He has to solve it by himself.”

Wendy crossed her arms on her chest.

“And can you tell me what is he supposed to solve?”

“Wendy… It’s none of your business. You should stay away from that.”

But she shook her head negatively.

“I’m the student-body president, it’s my role to take care of the pupils.” she argued.

“Not about their private life, right?”

“Well, he’s the best friend of my ex-boyfriend, it _is_ my business anyway. So tell me what happened.”

Stan looked at her. Of course he never could win against her.

That was the reason why he loved her, after all…

“Nothing. He just…believes he’s in love with Cartman.”

“WHAT?”

“Shhhhh”

“Oh, sorry.” she apologized, confused. “What?”

Stan looked away.

“Yeah, I know, it’s hard to hear.”

 _And to say,_ he thought.

“You mean… Kyle is… gay ?”

“Is that really surprising?” he asked sarcastically.

“Well, not that much… But for Cartman!”

 _You’re telling me. B_ ut Stan kept that for himself.

“Yeah, well, he can’t stand to see him with Heidi.” He informed. “Actually, none of us wanted that, but… it makes him sick. Like, literally.”

Wendy raised an eyebrow.

“Wait, you said he ‘believes’.” She noticed. “So you don’t think he’s in love for real?”

Stan shrugged.

“I just think he’s lost. He doesn’t know what he really want.”

“Why do you think that?”

Stan looked at Wendy as she had three noses.

“It’s Cartman !”

“Yeah, and you’re Stan.”

“And you’re Wendy. I like your game.”

Wendy rolled her eyes.

“I mean, no matter who it is, if he says he’s in love, he is. Why don’t you believe him?”

“Because Kyle is too masochist. Helping someone is so important for him that he forget that sometimes, there’s nothing to do about it. And if he’d try to help Cartman, he’d get its feathers torn out.”

Strangely, Wendy was disapproval.

“Heidi doesn’t seem that bad.” She said.

“Yeah, because Kyle gave up on Cartman. Otherwise he’d still be a monster.”

She frowned.

“You mean Kyle is the reason of that new Cartman’s comedy?”

“It’s not a comedy.” Stan protested. Wow, he was defending Cartman, who would know? “He changed for real. And it’s better for everyone.”

Wendy was thinking, like she was trying to solve an investigation.

“So you’re saying that Kyle’s feelings are probably reciprocates, but it’s not important because Cartman would’ve been a monster with him?” She summed up.

“Yeah.”

“And… How do you know that? Maybe they could have been great together, just like Tweek and Craig.”

“That’s impossible, Wendy!” Stan retorted. “Tweek and Craig are healthy for each other. Did you see anything healthy between Kyle and Cartman since we know them?”

“Actually, yes, I did.”

Stan gave her an interrogative look.

“Are you kidding me ?”

“Not at all. I know you haven’t seen it but... when you were in your high depression period, which putted you away from Kyle, he didn’t come to Kenny. He came to Cartman. It was the… only time I saw them happy together.”

If she thought she was helping, it was a lure.

“Oh great, so you’re saying _I_ am the actual disturbing element of their relationship?” Stan replicated.

“No! Argh, it’s… hard to explain. Okay, let’s start with this. Have you noticed that Cartman never been as rude with you as he was with Kyle?”

Stan raised an eyebrow.

“Is that supposed to be a good thing ?”

“Somehow. He didn’t behave like an asshole with you because he never gave a shit about you. And he also liked when Kyle and you were arguing so he could keep him just for himself.”

“Yeah, and that’s exactly the reason why he’s bad for Kyle. He’s possessive as fuck.”

Wendy smiled a little.

“Well, it reminds me someone.”

This remark made Stan angrier. How dare her?

“You can’t compare the motherfucker he was with me. It’s different. I was just...”

“Just what? In love with me?”

Stan interrupted himself, by looking at Wendy. Her words about their relationship was unexpected. It made him a little bad, thinking about how he was hurt when she leaved him.

“Anyway” she continued. “All of this meant that he acted like a dick when you and Kyle were close. But when you’ve been separated, he stopped his idiocies and he turned into someone… sweet. Because he didn’t feel in competition with you.”

Okay, it could be a correct reasoning.

“It’s still really stupid.” Stan commented.

“Look, I’m not defending Cartman, okay? But instead of thinking about him, I imagine a boy in love with another one who doesn’t know how to express his feelings. A boy like you. And I also know that no matter how much you were stupid when you were jealous, you could be really really sweet sometimes with me.”

Stan remembered the times he spent with Wendy. When they were together and all he wanted was to stay by her sides forever. A big pain went through him.

“It didn’t work between us, though.” He muttered.

Wendy seemed uncomfortable too.

“But it has nothing to do with it.”

The raven-haired boy raised his eyes to the girl.

“So why aren’t we together, Wendy ?” He asked.

Wendy looked away.

“We’re not talking about us, here.”

“But maybe we should.”

“Not today.” She stopped him. “My point is… Don’t pretend to know who would better be with who, because sometimes it’s the most unexpected persons who actually belongs together. Look at Tweek and Craig. We were all shocked when we realize they were in love. But see how they’re beautiful, now!”

Stan bit his lower lip. Maybe there was a chance she could be right.

Maybe Stan was focus on his idea to keep Cartman away from Kyle because he was jealous himself of their relationship… Even if it seems ridiculous. They had a chemistry that missed between him and Kyle. Of course, Cartman was a jerk, but he was also so smart. In an equal way with Kyle. Stan never gone that far to get something he wanted.

Cartman… wasn’t always that bad, he had to face it. He just didn’t want to lose his best friend for a story which couldn’t even work for real.

But now… He wasn’t really sure.

”Wendy?” he asked.

She gave her an interrogative look.

“Yes, Stan?”

“Will you go to the ball with me?”

A little smile appeared on her lips.

“With pleasure.”


	8. Chapter 8

“Oh sweetie, you look so cute !”

Mrs Cartman was looking at his son in front of the mirror. He was wearing a black and white suit with an elbow, and brushed his hair like he used to do when he wanted to look classy, making its soft and straight. The brunet smiled at himself, sharing his mother's opinion.

“Thanks, mom. You did a great job by choosing this suit”, he complimented.

She approached him and putted her hands on his shoulders. She seemed so emotional... Almost crying ? Cartman couldn't believe it. It wasn't the first time he was dressed like this. But tonight, she seemed even more touchy than usual. The old him would have thought 'PMS', but now he was reasonable, he took away this misogynist explanation.

“Heidi is so lucky”, she breathed.

Cartman shrugged.

“I actually am the lucky one”, he corrected her. “She's really amazing with me.”

“I know”, Liane approved. “She turned you into a perfect sweet boy. “

After that, she looked away in a strange way that Cartman obviously noticed.

“Are you okay, mom ?” He asked her, worried.

Here it was. This little tear rolling on his mother's cheek. It made the fat boy uncomfortable. Why was she acting like that ? It wasn't normal.

But she just nodded.

“Yes, sweetie”, she replied by petting his hair. “I am just so proud of you.”

Cartman didn't know how to react. It wasn't the first time that she told him something like that, but he felt that this moment was special. Maybe because... she really meant it, this time.

She wiped her cheek.

“Promise me to have a good time, tonight”, she continued.

He faced his mother and tried to give her an encouraging expression.

“I promise”, he said.

She stared at him with bright eyes.

“I love you so much”, my dear.

He returned her look.

“I love you too, mom.”

She sniffled and hugged him tightly. Cartman was almost enable to breathe. What was happening to her ? He could feel her sobs which made his body shaking.

Was she finally realizing that he really had change ? That it wasn't acting ? That he wanted to be a better person ?

Or was it something else which touched her like that ?

He was actually afraid to ask the question, so he stayed quiet. After a few minutes (really long minutes) of intense hug, she finally let him go.

“Okay, I won't keep you for myself any longer. Heidi is probably waiting for you.”

“Oh, you know, Heidi could spend an entire day in her bathroom” he joked.

She chuckled a little.

-She's really perfect for you.

He swallowed in spite of himself. Of course she was. He couldn't denies it. But for some reason, knowing how much she was perfect for him was almost...

Anyway, he thought.

-I gotta go, he announced.

-Yeah, of course. Have a good evening, Eric.

-You too, mom.

He left his house to go to Heidi's. He wasn't walking particularly fast, because he knew she wasn't ready yet. After all the time they spent together lately, he knew almost everything about her. Her little habits, her little mimics, and all her background.

He sighed thinking that the contrary was way more complicated.

Yes, she was perfect for him. But he was definitely not perfect for her.

_You have literally no excuse for being such a deep shit._

Stan's sentence was reverberating in Cartman's head, and it hurts him more at each time. How could Heidi accept that ? A normal girl would already let him go after knowing all that he did...But she was still here. She was the only one... who actually stayed by his sides.

He walked on the road and finally passed near Broflovksi's house. He couldn't help but glance at Kyle's window. How many time did he climb to his room pretending anything to enter?

He remembered how amused he was just by seeing his eyebrows frowning.

Yeah, Stan was right. It was unhealthy. It's unhealthy to love seeing someone in a bad state of mind, right ? He sighed. Well, anyway, it was over now.

He looked away and walked faster to Heidi's.

  
  


“Oh, hi Stan, it's been a long time !”

The raven-haired boy was standing in front of the Testaburger's door. His mother welcomed him as always, with a warm smile.

“Good evening”, Mrs Testaburger, he greeted politely. “Is Wendy here ?”

She nodded.

“Yes, she's still preparing herself. You know how girls are. But please come in, you can wait in the living room.”

Stan entered. Wendy's house hasn't changed since the last time he went there. Well, his own house was still the same too, after all.

He walked inside, looking at the family photo above the couch.

“You want to drink something, Stan ?” Mrs Testaburger asked.

He glanced at her.

“Oh, no thanks, it's okay.”

She sat on the couch.

“So, should I understand that my daughter and you are together again?”

Stan blinked. As a matter of fact, that was a good question.

“Uh- No. Not officially”, he stammered.

He wanted to say he hoped so, but it wasn't really appropriate for this moment.

“You know, I... probably shouldn't tell you that but... she was so bad when she left you.”

The raven-haired boy's eyes widened.

“R-really ?”

“Yeah”, Mrs Testaburger confirmed. “I think she never really wanted to give up on you, but her friends encouraged her to do it.”

Stan remembered that day like it was yesterday. That was a terrible moment when he received Wendy's paper saying "I can't fix you". But how could he blame her, now ?

He could see again all his classmates lying on the floor of the hallway.

And Kyle... crying on Cartman's picture after he realized he was innocent. He sighed.

Yeah. How could he blame Wendy for dumping him because her friends ordered her to do it... when he encouraged his own friend to do the same thing?

_God damn it, was I really that wrong ?_ He wondered.

However... she accepted to come with him at the ball.

And Nichole accepted to go out with Token.

And Bebe accepted to go out with Clyde.

So Stan thought that maybe... Maybe things were getting better now. Maybe it was a way for the girls to forgive the boys.

Maybe all of this time was over, now. And Kyle wasn't even there to see it.

“I'm ready !” Wendy's voice resounded upstairs.

He raised his head to see her, and suddenly, he was speechless.

Wendy was wearing a beautiful blue dress. Her hair was gathered in a bun at the top of his head, and some locks she had curled fell on her cheek. Her eyelids were shining and that made her eyes bigger.

A sudden urge to vomit invaded him by seeing her that pretty but he refrained him as he could.

“Hi, Stan !” she said when she was down.

But Stan couldn't say anything because he putted all his efforts of trying to not letting anything escape from his mouth.

“Oh, honey you look adorable!” His mother commented.

“Thanks, mom. You're not that bad too, Stan.”

Like all the families cliché wanted, she insisted to take a picture of both of them.

When they came outside, the fresh air allowed Stan to control himself better.

“Sorry for that scene”, Wendy apologized, confused.

She was apparently embarrassed of that old tradition.

“Oh, don't worry, it's okay”, Stan finally said. “She seemed so happy.”

“Yeah, she adores you”, Wendy sighed. “I guess she think we're going to marry each other, someday.”

Stan looked at her. This scenario was that improbable for her ? But he decided to say nothing which could ruin their night. It was already a big improvement that she accepted to come with him.

If Kyle was there... He'd tell him immediately !

But he wasn't.

“You're still worried about Kyle, right ?” Wendy questioned, as if she read in her thoughts.

He couldn't lie.

“Yeah”, he admitted. “I can't believe I can't even come in his house. I mean, he's been mad at me several times, and he never refused me at the door. I don't know what to do.”

Wendy shrugged.

“I think you just have to let him some time”, she supposed.

But Stan shook his head negatively.

“One week is long, you know,” he complained. “I actually miss him a lot. And now I thought about what you said, and I want to tell him I was wrong... but I don't think it'll be enough to make him better.”

Wendy raised an eyebrow.

“What would make him better, so ?”

Stan thought about that some seconds.

“If Heidi and Cartman break up, maybe... But... I can't do anything about this. It's not my business. Besides... I have nothing to reproach to Heidi. She's literally unbreakable. She read Cartman's historical and she's still with him. “

“Cartman's historical ?” The girl repeated.

Stan nodded.

“Yeah, Kyle gave her a folder which contained all Cartman's 'adventures'”, he explained.

“A folder ? The brown leather folder ?” she asked.

“Uh.. Maybe. Why ?”

“I saw Heidi with it.”

“That's exactly what I was saying”, Stan sighed. “She read it and she still wants...”

“Hey, I haven't finished.”

Stan looked at her.

“She had it, but she didn't read it.”

Stan stopped and looked at her, incredulous.

“What ? How do you know ?”

“She sat on a chair and was about to open it but she finally decided to put it in her bag” Wendy explained.

“Maybe she wanted to read it at home ?” He suggested.

But she didn't seem to agree.

“I don't think so.”

“Why not?”

“Because the elastic band was weak. Like really weak. If she had open it, it would've break. It did when Cartman opened it in the schoolyard. I saw him yesterday.”

“You're really freaking me out by spying them like that.”

”I'm spying everyone”, she simply said.

“God damn it, Wendy. If you're right, that means...”

“We're wrong about Heidi from the beginning”

  
  


Inside the school, the party started. M. McKey was leading the pupils to the main room.

“It's right here, m'kay ?”

And they all went near the dance floor, where all the lights were moving here and there. They could hear a jazzy song which made them in the mood. All the girls were with their ex-boyfriends, and seemed as happy as them.

Tweek and Craig were also there, at the entrance. Tweek was wearing a purple suit which strangely fitted him perfectly and Craig had a dark blue one. He gave up on his chullo exceptionally and was holding his boyfriend's hand with his casual blank face.

“Welcome to the spring ball” He was repeating all the time when the others walked in the entrance.

Heidi came immediately to them when he spotted them, leading Cartman.

“Craig! Tweek! You are awesome!” she exclaimed.

“GAH!” Tweek screamed nervously.

“-Thanks, Heidi”, Craig replied.

“I didn't know you were organizing the party.” she added by seeing their badge. “That's really nice of you!

“ We like t-to help people” Tweek declared.

Craig turned himself to Cartman, like he was expecting a reaction.

“You're not going to say something like 'you looks like fags' ?” he asked.

“No”, Cartman answered. “I actually think the same way than Heidi. You guys looks great.”

Craig raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, yeah, I forgot during one minute that you're an uptight nerd, now.”

“Eric's not an uptight nerd, he's an angel”, Heidi defended him.

“No, you're the angel”, Cartman retorted.

Craig rolled his eyes.

“Damn it, you're the actual fags.” He commented.

“C-craig, don't start”, Tweek warned him by putting his hand on his arm.

“Sorry, babe. Well, see you later.”

“See you later !” Heidi said.

After they welcomed everybody, they walked to the main room. And Tweek glanced at Craig, annoyed.

“Don't betray our cover, Craig, we have to be discreet”, he advertised.

“I know, honey” Craig sighed. “I just can't stand that One Cartman Show.”

“It's not a show.” Tweek protested.

“Yes it is, we'll prove it at the end of the party.”

“If it works.” The blond-boy pointed out.

“It _will_ work. “ Craig assured.

“GAH! If you say so.”

“Tweek, trust me, okay ? I know what I'm doing.”

Tweek looked at his boyfriend with a certain intensity.

“I trust you, Craig.”, he declared.

It was something natural, but regarding to the recent events, it meant very much in Tweek's mouth. It provoked a really really unusual reaction on Craig’s face. His cheeks turned pinker. He looked away, uncomfortable.

“And... Actually, er... I want to tell you something.” Craig said.

“GAH ! What is it ?”

“Well, you know... We never really talk about this before, but... You did an effort to accept my bad sides so I think I have to do something too. And I wanted you to know that... “

He interrupted himself.

“God damn it, it's embarrassing.”

“Wow, are you saying you're the one who's embarrassed this time ?” Tweek joked.

“Yeah. Sort of.” He admitted. “Er... well, I never told you before but... I'm glad the Asians girls draw pictures of us. Because... it allowed me to be with you. “

Tweek’s eyes widened.

“Honey, don't panic, okay ?” Craig said immediately after. “I'm just telling you that, but you don't need to do anything.”

“Craig, you never told me that kind of thing before!” Tweek cried.

Craig shrugged.

“I thought it wasn't necessary. But... Kyle proved us that sometimes it's important to say stuff like that, so- “

He couldn't finish his sentence because his mouth was suddenly covered by Tweek’s. And he could feel soft lips... pressed against his. He was enable to move during a few seconds, completely stuck. Since when Tweek take this kind of risk ?

It was shy and chaste, but also… Really tender. He was going to kiss back but the blonde boy jumped two steps behind him, shaking from all his body.

“Gah! Oh god, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to do this!” He apologized. “It's just... I didn't know what to do! And you look so handsome in that suit and now you’re telling me something so sweet and there’s also this music…”

Craig placed his hand on Tweek's mouth. He stopped shivering but his eyes were questioning him.

“Shut. Up.”

The raven-haired boy slid softly his hand over his cheek and leaned on his face to kiss him again. Tweek froze and progressively melt under this sweet contact. He passed his hands on Craig’s hair…

This was their very first kiss.

  
  


Stan spotted Cartman near Heidi’s friends, waiting politely for his girlfriend while she’s talking with the other girls. After some seconds of hesitation, he walked to him.

“Cartman?” He asked, unsure.

The brunet looked at him and raise an eyebrow.

”Yeah?”

“I have something to tell you. Do you have a moment?”

“Why, Stan ? Are you going to yell at me again ?” he said, jaded.

“No, I promise.” Stan assured.

Cartman sighed and glanced at Heidi. She didn’t seem to notice Stan or anybody else so he understood that he didn’t need to ask her anything. He followed Stan without a word.

When the raven-haired boy faced him, he couldn’t even support his gaze.

“ Er... You know... “ he started. “What I told you last time about… the fact you were abusive and unhealthy for Kyle. I think I was actually... wrong.”

Cartman seemed surprised, but his face turned blank again.

“No, you weren't.” He answered. “I thought about it a lot and I finally agree with you. This wasn't real love. It was just... a bad obsession. I guess it's just hard for me to let go that part of me.”

Stan didn’t expect his words to be effective on him, but after all… None of all the things he did recently was something he expected. He shook his head, confused.

“Yeah, and you can't let it go for a good reason.” he explained “It wasn't a bad obsession. It was... something true.”

But Cartman frowned.

“No, Heidi and I are sharing something true.” he corrected. “Kyle and I was just... an illusion.”

“How can you say Heidi and you share something true when she doesn't even know who you are, deep inside?”

“She does, dude.” Cartman maintained. “She read my historical.”

“No, she didn't.”

He blinked, caught off-guard.

“What? Yes, she did.”

“Nope. She lied to you, dude.” Stan confessed. “I talked to Wendy and she told me she saw Heidi with the folder. She was about to read it. But she finally put it in her bag and she never touched it after.”

Cartman needed some times to think about it.

“Well, maybe she read it later.” He supposed.

“Nope, dude. If she had, the folder's elastic band would have been broken. “

“What?”

“When you opened it, the elastic band broke. Right? He was about to break when Heidi had it, but like she hadn't opened it, it didn't. Yeah, Wendy is a very good observer. Heidi never read your historical.”

“But... Why not ?”

“Because she doesn't want to see the real you, dude.” he declared. “I thought it was pretty obvious. She said she loves you no matter you have done, but she doesn't want to face what you have done!”

Stan realized instantaneously that he should have try to find softer words to tell him something like this. When he saw the way Cartman reacted to that news, he regretted immediately what he said. But he thought that it wasn’t a good idea to add anything else. So he just stared at him, waiting for his answer.

His face turned harder.

“Well, nevermind.” Cartman replied. “I am the real me, now.”

Stan couldn’t help but roll his eyes.

“God, Cartman, face it. You don't... You _can't_ like the person you are, now. You just need to be validated by Heidi ‘cause it reassures you for not be validated by Kyle. But the difference is, that even though Kyle never agree with you, he always considered you for who you really are. Thank to him you've evolved during the last years.”

“You said yourself that I was a deep shit.” Cartman remembered him.

“Yeah but… not all the time!”

Damn, that was hard to admit.

“ Wendy told me that when Kyle was with you, and I wasn't there... you became... kind of sweeter.” He said.

“I'm way sweeter right now with Heidi than with Kahl.” The brunet protested. “Okay ? And I don't care about being validated by him, anymore. Because he gave up on me. That’s what you all did. The only one who stayed with me, is Heidi.”

Stan supported his gaze with a bunch of reproaches.

“You think Kyle gave up on you, dude?” He demanded rhetorically. “That's why he's ill right now? You really want to play that game?”

Cartman looked away. He clearly didn’t want to continue this conversation.

“Leave me alone, Stan.” He ordered by skirting him. Stan gazed at him while he joined Heidi, with a heavy heart.

“Harder than expected, huh?” A voice commented on his back.

Stan turned his head to see Wendy behind him. He sighed by looking at Cartman again.

“My bad, Wendy, what did I just do ?” He complained. “Did I really screwed everything up between Kyle and him… On my own?”

“Of course not. It’s not your fault if none of them is able to express their feelings.”

He felt Wendy’s little hand on his shoulder.

“He’ll just need time, Stan. People can’t face the truth and fix everything in one minute.”

“I am a bad friend, though. You were right.” He moaned. “I should have support them instead of separates them by every ways.”

“Hey, you just did what you thought being the best for your friend.” Wendy pointed out.

“No, you don’t understand, Wendy. When you and I broke up like… A million times, Kyle’s always been there for me. Even though he didn’t really care about our stories, he always tried to comfort me the best he could. But… I’m not able to do the same with him.”

He sighed, despondently.

“All this time reproaching Cartman to not be a good person… To realize that I’m not either.”

Wendy looked at him benevolent.

“Stan, the value of a man is not defined by his mistakes but by his way to fix them.” She said.

He raised his head at her. How did she do for always saying the good words?

“Wendy… Your mom told me that our break made you sad.” He told her.

Her eyes widened.

“She told you that ? Oh my God, she’s enable to respect my private life.” she complained, grumpy.

Stan smiled.

“So she told me the truth ?”

“Well, yeah, I hadn’t… exactly choose to dump you. We had to punish the guys. But I knew you weren’t guilty. We all thought it was Cartman, actually.”

Stan giggled.

“So when you wrote ‘forever’ on your paper… You didn’t really mean it, right ?”

“Stan… “ she muttered. “Don’t do this.”

“Why ? Everything has changed, now. We can all start from scratch! What is holding you back?”

She looked away.

“I don’t know… I’m kind of… afraid. We’re always breaking up and getting together again. And I don’t want to come back to you and lose you again in a few months… I’m actually sick of this.”

“Wendy, you’re the one who told me that we can’t say in advance if a relationship will work or not.”

“But we already tried, Stan. Several times!”

“Yeah” Stan agreed. “Because that’s what people do. They try over and over again, they fight for their love! And I love you, Wendy, I never loved anyone else but you. And I’ll continue to fight to get you back, even if that means losing you again.”

Her face was illuminated by those words. She couldn’t help but laugh a little.

“Did I say something funny ?” He asked, a bit offended.

She shook her head.

“Nope, idiot. It’s not what you’re saying. It’s you.”

Stan smiled too.

“Can I have this dance, at least ?” He proposed.

“Yes, you can.” She replied.

  
  


She approached him with his usual smile.

“Do you want a dance, sweetheart ?”

He smiled at her.

“Yeah, of course, babe.”

He took her hand and came to the dance floor. He putted his hands on her hips and she hugged his neck. The song Three Wishes by The Pierces started at the same time. They danced slowly and tenderly. They were close, so close...

And Cartman thought about the fact that someday, if everything is going well, they will have sex. Not so young, of course, but if this relationship last as long as he expected, this time was going to happen. And he felt weirdly... terrible about this. It made him nervous. Not because he was afraid of what he's going to do. He knew it would be okay for the first time if he's not a sex machine yet, and it also will be the first time for Heidi so she won't be that good, too. It wasn't that part which stressed him out. No, the real problem was... He didn't felt it right. Like he was about to do something... which doesn't match with him. With his personality. With his... sexuality. For some reason, he never imagined himself feeling good about having sex with a girl.

He looked at the cute  one he was dancing with. And he couldn't help but think about what Stan told him.  _She doesn't want to see the real you, dude._

“Is everything okay, Eric ?” Heidi asked him.

Of course she noticed how pensive he was. He hesitated a short moment.

“Yeah, I'm just... Actually, I...I have something to ask you.”

“Everything you want, babe.”

He knew what would be the consequences, but... he had to do it.

“Heidi... Did you read my historical?”He questioned worriedly.

“Yes, I did. Why are you asking ?”

“So can you tell me what's the first thing you saw when you opened it?”

Touché. Heidi’s expression was clearly betraying herself. She sighed.

“Okay. To be honest, I haven't read it.” She admitted.

“Why?”

She shrugged.

“Because it's not important. Because I don't care about all of this. Past is past. I prefer to focus on who you are, today.”

“Well, it's important to me, Heidi. It might be a bad part of my life, it's still my life. It's still a part of me. That I could never change. “

She rolled her eyes.

“Why is it so dramatic that I don't want to know all the glaucous things you did before?” She asked, upset. “You aren't this person anymore, you juste have to let it go.”

”But... maybe I don't want to let it go. What if I decide I want to be this person again? Would you still love me?”

Heidi simply stared at him, but she didn't say a word. Cartman nodded.

“That's what I thought. “

“Look, Eric...”

“No, it's okay, Heidi.” He interrupted her. “You don't have to justify yourself. You would be right to not want to be with the old me. The old me would have hurt you. It's totally normal.”

“Nevermind, Eric. Don't think about who you could be. Just enjoy that moment.”

Cartman tried. Yeah, he really tried. But something wasn’t definitely right, now…

And he knew exactly what he had to do. It was just… Really hard.

He stopped to dance and putted his hands on her arms.

“Heidi, I want you to listen to me.” He started, looking at her right in the eyes. “You're sincerely the sweeter girl I ever met in my whole life. You're... amazing. With me. And with everyone. But...”

Heidi’s eyes were interrogative.

“What ?”

He bit his lower lip. He couldn’t believe he was going to do this...

“But I'm not as amazing as you.” He declared.

She frowned, disapproval.

“Of course you are, that's why I-”

“No, no, let me finish, please. I'm not as amazing as you because as I said, this historical is still a part of my life. And it put a big difference between us.”

“But… I don't care !” She exclaimed.

“Well, I do. You deserve to be with a guy who hasn't skeletons in his closet. And... I need to be with someone who can face and accept my past. It's okay if you don't. I won't force you to read my historical, you're free to decide. I'm not blackmailing you. I'm just saying that you can't stay yourself... and stay with me. I don't want to change you, I don't want to hurt you, so I... I think the best way I can protect you is by...leaving you.”

“Leaving me? Eric, are you serious ? Look at all the girls around us. All the girls forgave their boyfriends, all the girls are now in peace and happy. It happened because of us !”

“Yeah, you're right.”He approved. “But now it's done and... I don't see any other reason to be with you. I’m sorry.”

“Eric-”

“Attention, attention please.” A voice called.

Everybody in the class raised their eyes on the screen in the ball room, with a curious face.

A green hat, an orange coat… that familiar face… It was Kyle.

Cartman felt his heart beating harder despite himself. But he couldn’t fight against this intense feeling of relief when he saw the red head. He couldn’t do anything about it.

Kyle cleared his throat before starting: “Hi, guys.” He greeted, embarrassed. “I’m sorry I’m bothering you. I know it’s not the best time to talk about something like that but… There isn’t good time for nothing anyways, right? So… I think I just have to take it now.”

The kids looked at each others, wondering what happened.

“Because the point is… “ Kyle continued. “ A lot of things went wrong in this school, lately. Not only between boys and girls, but between all of us. When the PC principal went to our school, I thought everything would finally get better. But I was actually... wrong.”

Cartman swallowed hard. He hadn’t except his senses to be as developed as right now. Because he had an idea of what Kyle was doing here… But it was too good to be true, right?

Besides, Kyle saying he’s wrong, was like… a big evolution.

“You know,” Kyle went on. “Blaming people because they are white is as rude as blaming people because they are black. Pushing people to be gay for each other is as insane as pushing people to be straight while they’re not. And bullying someone because he used to bully people doesn’t make you better than him. I realized that we were so determined to turned things fair that it turned us into unfair persons. The real problem isn’t who we hate, or why we hate them, but the simple fact we hate. We have to fight against _this_. It’s our hate which destroyed us and split us.”

Surprisingly, a lot of kids seemed to agree because they all applauded at this speech and screamed to support it. Maybe that was because the party’s mood made them more indulgent, but Cartman doubted it.

Even though it was so hard to admit by the past, people often liked Kyle’s speeches.

He was right, though.

“I also have something to tell to Cartman” Kyle continued, and made everybody quiet. The brunet felt a lighting coming through his body by hearing his name in his mouth.

Was he really…?

” Not the new one” He specified. “But the one I betrayed in the hut in the woods. ‘Cause I know he’s still here, and that he can hear me.”

_Well, it seems like the jew want to talk to me_ , mumbled the old one inside Cartman.

_Shut the fuck up and listen to him._

“ So Cartman.” he declared. “I learned something today.”

A warm familiar feeling invaded the brunet by hearing this. He smiled too at the screen.

“You are a selfish superficial and unbearable manipulator. You’re even scaring me sometimes. I’m not sorry that I think you’re a dangerous psychopath who harass people because you _are_ that person, and you always have.

“ But dude, you saved my life in San Francisco. You saved my life when I died near Imaginationland. You did so many things that proves that you can care about people around you. Despite all the terrible things you could have done or said, you’re still a human. With feelings. You’re still one of my best friend. And I miss you… so fucking much! I don’t care about Skankhunt anymore. I just want to continue... hang out together... And eat together, study together, argue all the time. I want to be selfish. I want you by my side, even if that means you have to keep doing all those horrid things! I’ll continue to fight against it, and I don’t care about who’ll win. I just want to be with _you_. So… Please. Come _back._ ”

A piano’s melody came in the room. It was melancholic and sad. Kyle began to sing.

_I'm jealous of the rain_

_That falls upon your skin_

_It's closer than my hands have been_

_I'm jealous of the rain_

 

_I'm jealous of the wind_

_That ripples through your clothes_

_It's closer than your shadow_

_Oh, I'm jealous of the wind_

 

_'Cause I wished you the best of_

_All this world could give_

_And I told you when you left me_

_There's nothing to forgive_

_But I always thought you'd come back, tell me all you found was_

_Heartbreak and misery_

 

_It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way_

_You're happy without me_

 

_I'm jealous of the nights_

_That I don't spend with you_

_I'm wondering who you lay next to_

_Oh, I'm jealous of the nights_

_I'm jealous of the love_

_Love that was in here_

_Gone for someone else to share_

_Oh, I'm jealous of the love_

 

_'Cause I wished you the best of_

_All this world could give_

_And I told you_

_When you left me_

_There’s nothing to forgive_

_But I always thought you’d come back tell me how you found was_

_Heartbreak and misery_

_It’s hard for me to say_

_I’m jealous of the way_

_You’re happy without me_

 

Kyle didn’t expect the whole school to make an ovation for that performance but they did.

All of them applauded enthusiastically… except Cartman. He were still standing here, staring at the screen, completely speechless. He felt a strange hot thing on his cheek rolling… A wet thing.

Surprised, he tried to touch it. It was a tear. One small tear. For one big emotion.

After a few seconds trying to take back control of himself, one thought went through him. Where was he?

To appear on the screen of the school, he had to go to the principal’s office.

So Cartman had to catch Kyle when he’ll go out of it. He had to catch him before everyone else. He had to run. Now !

His legs started to move before he decided to. All his body was completely attracted to the place where Kyle could be.

He had to see him. He needed to.

 

Kyle left the principal's office and came outside, nervous. He really did that ? Oh God. That was the most stressful speech he ever did. He never putted so much personal stuff into his words. His heart was beating so fast. It was cold. He noticed the snow starting to fall around and on him. He raised his head, and smiled. it was march. Probably showers.

Suddenly, the door opened itself abruptly. He looked at it, surprised, and saw an Eric Cartman, completely out of breath with a red face. He couldn't help but feel strange things in his stomachs by seeing him... Here. Alone. They were alone... Together.

“Hi” He said softly.

“Hi.”

They stood like this during a time which seemed like eternity for Kyle. A strange calm invaded them both. He felt like a war just ended and everything was over now.

Cartman cleared his throat and approached him closer.

“Er… Your song sounded really good...” He mumbled shyly.

Kyle didn’t answer. Was that all he had to say ? After… Everything he did ?

“… For a jew” he finished.

Those last words made him smiling. And a big refreshing sensation went through the red head.

_He’s himself again,_ he observed.

“Thanks.” He just replied.

“Mine was better, though” Cartman added.

Kyle shook his head desperately.

“Go fuck yourself, fatass.”

“You’d like to, stupid jew.”

They both laughed. Strangely, those sentences sounded really sweet in the air. Like something familiar, comfortable…

Kyle sighed.

“God, I can’t believe I missed that.” He breathed.

Cartman laughed again.

“Yeah… I missed that too.”

He raised his eyes into Kyle’s again. The last one felt a thrill all over his body. It was so intense… And light at the same time.

He missed that too. What a beautiful news.

“How did you know about San Francisco ?” Cartman asked then.

Kyle stared at his feet.

“Butters told me.” he confessed.

“Fucking Butters.”

“No. I’m glad he told me.”

Cartman nodded, and shrugged.

“Well… It’s not really the only thing I did for you, you know.”

Kyle froze, surprised. One thing was already way much more than he could ever think.

“Really ? What else did you do for me?”

Cartman looked away from him.

“Well… Do you remember all the story about the crack babies association?”

Kyle frowned.

“Yeah?”

“You wanted to built an orphanage.” He remembered. “But those assholes from EA Sports fucked with us. So you couldn’t. But… I kept some money we earned during our business and I have… kind of… used it to built this orphanage.”

Kyle blinked. Eric Cartman actually built an orphanage… For him?

“Oh.” was all that came out from his mouth at first. “So... it wasn’t Slash?”

Cartman shook his head negatively.

“No. I putted his hat and his guitar in it to make you think that. I knew you would never imagine it would be me, anyway.”

“I have to admit that’s true.” Kyle giggled.

The brunet stared at his feet.

“Yeah.” He muttered. “I did all I could to make you sure I hated you”

Kyle nodded.

“It worked perfectly.”

“Not for me.” Cartman confessed.

They shared another look… Full of tenderness. It could seem weird but it was also… So natural. Kyle knew his terrible feeling he had lately just flied away from him at this moment.

But another voice came interrupting them.

“Cartman !”

They both looked at the origin of the voice and saw Butters joining them.

“Cartman, I have something to tell you.” He said, panicked.

“Not now, asshole!” Cartman replied, annoyed.

Kyle had to admit he didn’t want to be with anyone else, right now.

“It’s an emergency, Cartman.” Butters insisted. “It’s your mom.”

Cartman’s eyes widened.

“What happened?” He asked immediately.

“She… She’s in the hospital right now.” Butters explained.

“In the hospital ?” Kyle repeated, alarmed.

“Why ?” Cartman asked.

Butters apparently didn’t want to say it, he avoided Cartman’s look but the last one seemed really deprived of patience. He approached the blond boy and shook him.

“Tell me what the fuck happened, Butters !”

Butters sighed, really confused.

“She tried to kill herself.”


	9. Honesty

_My dear Eric,_

  
  


_Now you have everything you always needed to be happy. It made me realize I'm useless in your life now, so I'm useless anyway. I give you to Heidi. She will take care of you better than I did. I will always love you._

  
  


_Your mom_

  
  


  
  


When he learned his mother tried to kill herself, Kyle insisted to go with him in the hospital. Of course, he let him alone going inside her room, listening what the doctors said about her state and explain him what happened. She wrote a letter before her tentative. Seeing her son with Heidi apparently provoked a big distress onto her. It's not that surprising, considering she couldn't handle it last time someone succeed in 'improving' him. Liane always held on his spoiled son to make up with his father's absence.

She was now resting in her bed, unconscious. They couldn't tell when she exactly could wake up.

Kyle was in the hallway with a nurse, pacing and trying to contain his rage, while Cartman was discussing with doctors.

"How the hell..." Kyle wondered. "How the hell a mother could be that irresponsible?"

The anger was almost killing him.

"How the hell someone could be that selfish, for God's sake? Cartman doesn't even have a father. Who the fuck could be enough stupid to think it'd be better for him to live without his mother? At ten years old? She's...She's..."

"She's deeply depressed, little boy." The nurse answered. "She's a single mother who had to deal with a lot of hard things."

"I don't see why it's excusing her." Kyle retorted. "She decided to give him life, god damn it. She can't just give up just because she hasn't a husband with her."

"Look, I'm not supposed to tell you, but Eric's father leaved Mrs Cartman when his son was born." the nurse confessed.

Kyle stared at her.

"So what?"

"So a delivery can cause many troubles in mental healthiness of a mother" The nurse explain. "It can be really traumatizing. That's why it's important to have someone by your side to face this. No matter if this is a husband, or a wife, or a friend... It's important to not stay alone with all those feelings inside. Mrs Cartman were completely alone. She had to deal with her child and with the fact his father left them. It'd be really disturbing."

"Yeah, but... She choose to keep him. She choose to raise him. She can't wait the moment when he's too attached to her to finally quit, that's insane!"

The nurse sighed.

"Well, it seems like she was holding on Eric like a precious treasure. He was the last thing which kept her alive. Knowing that he needed her was certainly her lifebuoy. And when she saw his girlfriend doing her "work", she probably thought her last reason to live was gone."

Kyle shook his head.

"Why am I even surprised? It's not like she's always been the perfect mother, anyway. I mean, she was always giving him too much food. She never had any authority on him, she never punished him, showed his limits. And she was always out with some weird guys, she behaved like a whore."

"A woman who sleep with different men is not a whore" The nurse grounded him.

"Never mind, what kind of mother do that kind of things?"

"Everybody treat their trouble differently."

"Well, Cartman has enough troubles without this story, and thinking that just because he has a girlfriend it means everything is solved in his life is nothing but huge stupidity."

The woman was looking at him with a little smile.

"You seems to care a lot about your friend." She noticed.

"Of course I care about him!"

_I love him !_

"Why isn't it his girlfriend who's with him right now?" She questioned.

Kyle froze. God, that was right. Heidi !

"Er... Well... She's not... She doesn't know..." He stammered.

"Hm, I think you should warn her" The nurse advised.

She was right. He took his phone and tried to call her immediately. But the signal of his mobile was absent. Fucking old hospital.

"I think there is a better coverage zone outside."

Kyle nodded and went to the parking in front of the hospital. He composed Heidi's number and waited anxiously.

"Kyle ?" The brunette's voice finally resounded on the phone. "What do you want?"

Apparently, she didn't seem happy to hear him. Well, that was pretty logical after all.

"Hi, Heidi" he greeted shyly. "Just wanted to tell you... Cartman's mom had an accident."

"Yeah, Butters told me. How is he?"

"Bad, of course."

"Yeah, of course."

A strange electric silence came during a short moment. That was definitely weird to have a conversation with her after what he said in front of the entire school... Kyle bit his lower lip, trying to say something.

"Do you want to come to the hospital ? Maybe, it's better if he has people he cares for around him." He said.

"He already has, Kyle." she answered.

The red head didn't get it at first. He looked around him. No. There was just him.

"I... I'm sure he'd be happy if you'd come." He insisted.

" I don't think so. " Heidi replied.

"Listen, Heidi... I have to tell you the truth about the cause of the suicide attempt of Liane."

"What is it ?"

"I didn't want to announce that on the phone, but if you don't want to join us, I have to. I don't want you to know in another way."

"I'm not sure it's my business."

"Actually, it is. Mrs Cartman...She kind of... Tried to kill herself because she assumed you..."

"What ?"

"You replaced her. She said Cartman didn't need her anymore."

"Oh my God..."

"Yeah, it's totally crazy, I know. But I... I thought you deserved to know."

Another silence went on into the phone.

"Well, thanks, Kyle." She finally answered.

"Are you sure you don't want to come?"

"Yes, I am." Heidi affirmed."It's over between Eric and I. And you know that, right?"

Kyle stood speechless a short moment.

"Yes."

"So I don't think there is anything else to say."

She wasn't wrong.

"Yeah... Maybe you're right."

"Goodbye, Kyle."

The red head couldn't help but sigh. It was probably hard for Heidi too. Knowing the boy she loved was bad, and knowing she couldn't do anything for him. Because he broke up with her. He broke up with her... Certainly because of Kyle. The jew boy couldn't help but feeling guilty for what he did to her. She didn't deserve all of this. She just tried to help him, after all. And it was like she was paying for being nice. That was unfair.

Liane's suicide attempt wasn't fair either. Nothing was fair.

  
  


Kyle finally decided to going back inside. Maybe Cartman needed comfort after all that medical's speech. He demanded to come into the room, but when he arrived, Cartman wasn't there. He caught up the doctor.

"Hey, where's Cart- I mean Eric?"

"Oh, he said he needed to be alone for a moment. So we've let him go outside."

"Oustide? I was outside. I haven't seen him."

"Well, maybe you missed him."

Kyle frowned. Something sounded wrong. He ran to the elevator without hesitation. When he arrived in the waiting room, he wasn't there. He was definitely not around her mother's room. So he searched him in the other services of the hospital, in the cafeteria, in the toilets... Nothing.

Panicked, the young boy decided to alarm the security. They went through the whole building all the night before finally facing the truth: he was gone.

  
  


"When have you seen Eric Cartman the last time?" The sergeant Yates asked Kyle, in the police officer.

The young boy was into the interrogation room, with his father next to him. He was a lawyer so he insisted to be there during the examination. Besides, Kyle was just a kid. He couldn't speak without an adult around.

"For the hundredth time, in the hospital" Kyle sighed desperately.

"Keep calm, boy."

"You're asking me exactly the same question since I called you." the red head complained. "Stop wasting your time and send people to search him!"

"It's not that simple, boy, we have to relate the events to know where he could have gone."

"Okay but when we're talking around a table, Cartman is probably in danger outside. As long as we wait, he's closer to death!"

"Don't think about that yet" The police man comforted him.

"I can't think about anything else!" Kyle shouted.

"Son, calm down." His father said." The police is trying to help."

"I don't see how they're helping." Kyle mumbled.

The police man stared at him.

"Explain me what exactly happened that night. Tell me what you've done since the moment you saw him until the moment he disappeared."

Kyle felt embarrassed. He didn't want to give details about what they said to each other and what happened between them during this whole time. He tried to pick genuinely his words.

"Well, er... " He stammered. Shit. Wrong start. "He... He was at the ball when I saw him. We... we were outside.. just talking. And Butters told us that her mom was in the hospital. So we just... we decided to go."

"You didn't warn anyone?" The police man asked. "Anyone came with you in the hospital?"

"No... No, I mean... Everything went so fast! Cartman didn't want to explain to everybody what happened, he just wanted to see his mother... I guess."

The police man nodded slowly.

"Kyle... I have to tell you I had many witnesses about your friend." He confessed. "And... Many of them are saying the same thing."

Kyle blinked.

"What thing?"

"It seems like both of you are... more like simple friends, right?"

The red head flushed instantaneously. His father was right next to him. How dare him to talk about that behind his father ? He had just figured out he was gay, he wasn't ready to talk about this to his parents.

"Even if that was true, it has nothing to do with this case." Kyle replied, as calm as he could. What a terrible police man.

"Actually, it's important because... If he tries to contact someone, it'll probably be you. Am I wrong?"

"I don't know..."

That was a lie. He knew that was true.

"I think you do." The police man insisted.

"Yeah, well, maybe, so what?"

"You're the one who apparently know him best. Where do you think he could have gone?"

"I... I have no idea, okay? I don't know! If I knew I hadn't contact the police, I would already be out there !"

"What did Eric told you the next time you saw him?"

Kyle tried to remember.

"Actually, he… hasn’t say anything. From the start of our trip to the hospital until the moment he entered in his mother’s room… He hasn’t say a word.”

He sighed. He had definitely no clue.

  
  


On the road to the Broflovski’s house, Kyle’s father was curiously quiet. He was glancing at his son with a strange expression, and sometimes the red head thought he was about to talk, but he didn’t. Kyle felt really awkward, but he was too angry to keep it for himself.

"Jesus, don't look at me like that, dad." He finally said.

"Like what?"

"Like _that_. Stop judging me."

"I'm not judging you." Gerarld protested.

"Yes, you are. Because of what the sergeant Yates said about Cartman and me. You're disappointed, I see it in your eyes."

"No, you can be sure I'm not disappointed, Kyle.” Gerald promised. “I'll never be. And I wouldn't care about the gender of the person you love, if..."

"If what ? If it wasn't Cartman?" Kyle completed, with burning eyes.

His father sighed.

"I just... I just don't understand, son." Gerald admitted. "Why him? I mean, no matter if you're gay, I thought you would lean on boys like... Like Stan! Or Kenny, who knows ? But Eric Cartman... He's so..."

"What?"

"...Fucked up." Gerald said. "I mean, see his family. See his life. He will definitely draw you to the bottom."

Kyle wanted to laugh. That was insane.

"But maybe I am already on the bottom, dad. And maybe not because of him."

Gerald frowned.

"Aren't you happy, lately, Kyle?"

"Are you kidding ? I lived through hell living those last months! And you know why? Because of _you_. You and all your trolling stupidities! You are the reason why I am feeling bad. You made the entire school crazy, you hurt an innocent little girl, and more than everything you made me doubt about one of my best friends! This entire time I've been blaming myself but all of this was just _your_ fault!"

Gerald tried to stay concentrate on the road while he seemed really confused by his son’s words.

"Kyle... I.. I never meant to hurt anyone, you know, I just did it because..."

"Yeah, I know ! Because it's funny. Hell we had so much fun, everyone is literally laughing out loud, right now."

"Kyle, please, stop. You're going too far."

"No, I won't stop. Everybody accused Cartman for being Skankhunt42, when it was you. So he dated Heidi and that's why his mom tried to kill herself. Do you understand that?"

"Kyle..."

"So I don't see how you can say that he'd draw me to the bottom, because if everyone is fucked up, now, it's only because of you. We're all criticizing Liane but you're not better than her. And yes, I love Eric Cartman. I'm not ashamed of admitting it. Because it doesn't sounds bad to me. It's like... the only true thing I can holding on, right now. Then fuck you, dad. I hope you're gonna pay for this."

When they finally arrived at home, Kyle didn’t wait a second. He directly he ran to his room and slammed the door behind him.

.

  
  


Eric Cartman has disappeared since three days, now. Three. Days.

The police promised Kyle they would find him, but he doubted it. Even though South Park was a little city, he knew Cartman was smart enough to hide himself in a way he could be sure that nobody would find him. So unless he wanted people to find him, there was no chance the police succeed in it.

Alone in his room, looking through the window, the young boy was staring at the rain falling outside with empty eyes. Cartman was somewhere in that storm.

Suddenly, someone knocked at the door. Kyle heard it opened and some footsteps in his back.

"Kyle..." Stan's voice came to his ears. The redhead froze by hearing him. He decided to not moving.

"Y-your mom thought you needed support."

Kyle tried hard to not punch him. He wasn't the one who mostly needed support right now. Why people couldn't get that ?

Stan shyly walked nearer.

"Are you... Are you okay, man ?" He asked.

Kyle couldn't help but frown.

"How could I be okay, Stan ?" He replied dryly. "Cartman almost lost his mother and now nobody knows where he is. It's raining as fuck and he's alone in the cold. How the hell can you ask me if I'm okay ?"

"I am your friend, Kyle, and I ask because I'm worried about you." Stan answered as an evidence, which pissed Kyle even more.

"Are you ? Really ?"

This time, Stan was the one who hardened.

"Are you serious, right now, dude ?" He said. "I've tried to see you over and over again, lately, and you never let me enter in your house. No matter what you think, I am your friend and I'll never let you go. Alright ?"

Kyle didn't answer anything. He kept turning his back to him. Stan felt again that strong, heavy guilty feeling going through him.

"Look, dude, I'm so sorry for what I told you before," he apologized by staring his feet. "I was so wrong about you and Cartman. But you have to remember I did it only because I love you. You're my Super Best Friend. I used to think that love worked in the same way for everyone. But it's not true. The way you love Cartman... The simple fact you love him proves that it's not true, because it's something unique. I couldn't understand before. But... now I do."

"No, you don't", Kyle cut him immediately. "You have no idea how much I've been hurt when he left my house so sure that I betrayed him. And I believed I finally find the words which could fix everything between us. The words which finally... fix him. He was almost back... I almost had him by my side again."

"He's not dead, dude."

"How do you know ?" the redhead shot back. "We have no idea where he could be. Or if he's alive."

"Cartman might be unpredictable, he cares about his life. It's one of the things he cares the most about. Besides, he would never give up on you after what you told him. He probably just need time to be alone with himself."

"Wh- Alone with himself? In this chaos?" Kyle said by showing the weather outside."He doesn't need to be alone, he need to be with his best friends."

"Well, he's not."

Kyle let himself fall in the chair and sighed.

"Thanks for your support."

"Look, I'm not saying that to hurt you. I'm just trying to remember you how strong he is." Stan explained. "Do you really think the Cartman who made a chili of Scott Tenorman's parents wouldn't be able to survive in the nature ? The one who came back to life after freezing himself for a fucking video game ?" Kyle couldn't help but chuckle."That Cartman, who went through San Francisco in the smug storm just to save you?"

Kyle raised an eyebrow by looking at his friend.

"Thought he did it just to keep his punching-ball next to him" He retorted.

Stan rolled his eyes.

"God Kyle, you know that it's not the whole truth. It was just another excuse to not admit how much he cared about you."

"That's not what you said before."

"I said bullshit, okay? I... I said that because I was afraid of losing you."

Kyle frowned.

"Losing me ?" he repeated. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

Stan sighed.

"The reason why... I never let you know all those things he did for you was because I... I was scared that you would give up on me. I just wanted to keep you for myself. I was selfish."

Kyle stared at him with a neutral face.

"You're such a dumbass, you know?"

"Thanks."

"Just because I love Cartman doesn't mean I will give up on you, idiot. You never did when you was with Wendy, what would it be different, this time?"

Stan shrugged.

"I don't know. Because that's what Cartman would have tried to do. He always tried to take you apart from me."

"And since when I obey to Cartman without resistance?"

Stan laughed.

"Yeah, you're right."

Kyle sighed and looked at the window again.

"Well, it doesn't matter anymore. He's gone."

"He'll come back." Stan affirmed.

But Kyle shook his head sadly.

"I'm not that sure anymore. Things have been really rude for him, lately. His best friends betrayed him, and he had to deal with it all alone... Instead of talking about what he feels, he kept everything for himself and tried to be someone else to escape to his own reflexion. Dating Heidi seemed to be the right thing to him, and that drove his mom to attempt to her life. His mom. The only thing which was still the same from the beginning. He probably doesn't know who he is anymore, or what he have to do. And I definitely didn't help by telling him what I feel for him."

Stan listened to him attentively.

"Well... what would be the solution according to you?" he asked him.

Kyle sighed.

"To be with us. That's the solution according to me. He needs us now more than he ever did before. He needs to... to talk about what he feels, to share what's disturbing him, to cry on our shoulders."

"Cartman's not the kind of guy who cry on people's shoulder." Stan observed. " I never saw him showing weakness. I mean, _real_ weakness, not the one he was acting to manipulate us."

"You're right." Kyle admitted. "He sucks at showing his feelings. But he can't just run away forever."

Kyle felt anger invading him.

"No. I can't definitely stay here hoping he'll finally decide to come back, because he won't. I have to find him by myself."

Stan's eyes widened.

"Wow, wow, Kyle, you just told me nobody knew where he was."

"They don't know him like I do. I'm sure I can find out where he could be."

"Do you?"

"Yeah! Let's think about it for a second."

He paused a short time.

"If I had lost everything that was keeping me right, where would I go?"

"Hmm... Well he met Heidi right after that Skankhunt story, then I think I'd go..."

"Where everything started."

Both of them looked at each other.

"The woods!" They exclaimed together.

"Of course! Why didn't I realize before?"

He ran to the door.

"Take your jacket, we have no time to lose!"

But Stan didn't move. Kyle looked at him.

"Stan, what are you doing? We have to go now!"

"No, dude. _You_ have to go, now. I'm not going anywhere."

"But... Stan, he needs us."

"Maybe, but I'm enable to convince him to go back home. Neither can Kenny. The only one who can find the right words, is you. Then you have to go alone."

Kyle smiled a little.

"Is that a kind of a benediction you're giving me?"

The raven-haired boy shrugged.

"I'm just trying to be a good friend."

Kyle nodded.

"You are."

  
  


In the streets of South Park, many sheets had been placarded everywhere with Cartman’s picture. Heidi was standing in front of one of them, under her umbrella, completely perplexed. Kenny, who was walking home, saw her.

"Heidi ?” He called her.

She turned her head to see the blonde boy.

“Oh, hey, Kenny.” She greeted.

“What are you doing?” he asked by joining her.

She looked once again at the picture.

“I don’t really know.”

Kenny looked at the brunette. She didn’t seem right. Probably because of Cartman.

“You’re worried, aren’t you?”

She shrugged.

“Who’s not?”

He agreed and looked at the picture too. A question was titling him.

“You're not... running after him ?" Kenny asked, curious.

The brunette didn't move. She looked really pensive.

"No", she simply said.

He blinked.

"Why ?"

She turned her face to the blonde boy.

"I know I'm not the one who could comfort him", she breathed.

Kenny frowned.

"Of course you could, you're his girlfriend."

She shook her head slowly.

"No. I'm not anymore."

Kenny looked at her, sad and guilty at the same time.

"Oh..."

Heidi sighed.

"Besides, I wouldn't be a great help", she explained. "Because I'm the reason of all of this."

"No, you're not", Kenny protested. "This is about him and his mother, nobody else."

"Yeah, exactly", she agreed. "It's about his mother, and the way she treated him. I treated him exactly the same way than her. That's why she did it. She thought he didn't need her anymore."

"No, you have no idea how creepy she used to be."

Heidi shrugged.

"Eric and I went through the same kind of sorrow. We were victims of the social medias. That's what gathered us. I'll never be more than a consolation prize for him. I didn't comfort him in the good way. I just took him away from his feelings and brought him to an illusion. The illusion he... loved me. It's more reassuring to be with someone we know they're not going to break your heart, right ?"

She simply looked at him, and Kenny knew exactly what she was referring to. However, he didn't expected her to know too.

"Aren't you mad at him for this ?" he demanded.

Heidi shook her head negatively.

"I'm not better than him, you know. I turned him into someone who could help me to feel good. I was selfish. "

She interrupted herself.

"Kyle is not. He understands everything. He accept everything. Sometimes I hate him for being that smart... But it also makes him the only person able to help Eric. "

Tears made her eyes shinning.

"I'm mad at myself for not being like him. I'm not strong enough to support all of this."

Kenny nodded.

"Kyle is stronger than each of us. Cartman made him live terrible things... and he never gave up on him. He never did it for real."

Heidi approved.

"Yeah. And that's why Eric loves him that much."

Kenny looked at the girl, confused.

"I'm so sorry, Heidi."

  
  


Kyle couldn't see the horizon. The woods was blurred by the fog. He was shaking from all his body. He should've take a hotter jacket. But it was out of question to go back at home anymore. It was impossible to let Cartman one minute more alone in the cold. He had to bring him back. He had to try. Even though it meant coming home with a pneumonia. Even though it wasn't the best idea to think he was healed to a disease. He didn't care. He didn't care about anything but Cartman.

He kept walking, just thinking about him. He didn't even know what he could do or say, but he couldn't definitely stay at home hoping he would come back. Because he knew deep inside that if he doesn't try to hold on him, he will never come back to anybody. He would close his heart forever, and nobody couldn't help it.

This idea was fucking unbearable.

The woods never been so dark before. It was a bad spring day.

Maybe that was because of the cold which stuck his lucid perception of his environment. He heard some notes of a song. A guitar introduction.

Landslide, by Fleetwood Mac. That song he was listening to when Stan was away, diagnosed as an Asperger, and he found himself with Cartman. Was it the first time they really started to know each other ?

He remembered their times spent in front of TV. Of course, they were still arguing, because it became their natural way of communication, but there was also... that thing. When they both were on the couch, playing at video games, they exchanged a smile. Just one simple and completely natural smile.

Kyle remembered what Tweek told him about the fact it was the time he spent with Craig which reveals his true feelings toward him. And he realized it was probably the same thing regarding him. For the first time in his life, he really tried to pay attention to Cartman. Without anybody around. It was like it was just the two of us. And it was so... sweet.

Maybe it was exactly during this period he really fell in love with the brunet. Just by being himself. He never remembered feeling so comfortable before.

Maybe because he just knew at this moment that, despite all their differences, Cartman would always be here for him. He literally lose his best friend... But Cartman was there.

_I swear, by the moon and the stars in the sky,_

_I'll be there, Kahl._

No matter if it was another way to use him for some racist reasons... the most incredible thing about this story, was that Cartman kept his promise. Since this day, did he ever been away from him ? No. Never. He stayed by his sides, every day...

Until, of course, the day in the hut in the woods. Which was obviously the place he went to.

He felt a weird feeling into his stomach, realizing how much it was hard for Cartman to be abandoned by all the people he strangely always been loyal to. And now... it was his mother.

Yeah. There was no fucking way for him to give up on him right now. He must feel so alone. Certainly because he was, after all. But this time was over. Now Kyle knew. And he's gonna do everything in his power to make him understand all this turmoil time was over.

No matter the asshole he used to be, he always considered them as friends. And Kyle seemed to be... the most important of them.

Kyle finally arrived to the famous hut. A big adrenaline feeling suddenly invaded him.

“Cartman... “ he breathed.” Cartman !”

He ran to the wooden door as fast as he could and opened it.

“Cartman, are you-”

He stopped suddenly. Inside the hut? No one. However, he could notice a blanket on the floor and some bottles of soda.

Oh my god... Kyle suddenly thought. A terrible idea went through his mind. If he weren't here anymore...

But something caught his attention. A footprint. A huge footprint on the floor. In direction of the door. And another one. If there was one little chance he could find him...

Slowly, he followed the footprints on the floor.

  
  


Cartman was sitting there alone, gazing at the Stark's ponds' lake. His eyes were directed to the water, but his mind wasn't there. He always thought that Stark Pond's was the most beautiful place in South Park. But now... All that he could see was the grey sky, the cold rain falling all over him, and the fact he couldn’t see anything below the horizon.

Everything was dark, now.

Everything was silent. Except the rain's noise.

After longs minutes, he finally heard something. Footsteps. Familiar footsteps on the tiles. Except... there weren't tiles. There was just water.

“Eric ?” He heard.

Something caught him violently at his throat. His mom's voice. He could see his feet on the water. What the hell was she doing here, walking on the lake ?

“Everything is okay, sweetie ?” She was asking. “Does someone laughed at you at school ?”

He could see the midday sun going through the kitchen's window. He could see her, wearing an apron. The pot was boiling. He could smell the dinner. He could see her smile, her eyes closed. She was leaning on him and petting his hair.

“Don't worry, kiddo.” she was saying. “It's over, now. Come on, it's lunch time!”

She putted a plate full of pastas and fried chicken in front of him.

“I love you, sweetheart!” She whispered into his ears.

When he tried to face his mother, she was gone. The kitchen disappeared, the plot too… There were still the lake. Just the lake. He sighed a long time by curling himself into his wet jacket.

But it resounded again.

“You're a human”, her mom comforted him. “I'm not scared of you at all!”

_That's wrong. Actually you were scared. And you were always giving me food and some toys to be sure I'd stay satisfied._

_You were always lying to me. About my dad. About how I looked like._

“You're so cute I don't want you to feel bad.”

_You were ashamed, right?_

“Of course not, sweetie, I love you!” she replied. ‘I could die for you !”

_Why were you always saying that ? Without even try to see me ? You were always repeating those cliché sentences of a mother._

“Your mother loves you more than anyone else.” the doctor words came back on his mind.

“SHUT UP !” He shouted in the infinite cold.

Some noises behind him teared him from his thoughts.

It was Kyle.

He was standing a few meters away, staring at him. This pity in his eyes…. He couldn’t stand it. This was exactly the face that Cartman was afraid to see someday… This was exactly the one he was fighting against during all these years…

He was so scared of the simple idea that Kyle would see him feeling lost, sad and weak… for real.

“Cartman…” He breathed.

The brunet felt that the thinner boy didn’t know what to say. He was just really shocked, and confused at the same time.

But after an obvious hesitation, he finally decided to approach him cautiously. The noise of his feet sticking in the wet sludge turned louder until he was close enough to touch him. He putted gently his hand on his arm.

“Cartman…” He repeated. “Let’s go home.”

But without warning, the brunet pushed Kyle away violently, throwing him on the ground.

“Don’t touch me, dirty jew! And don’t look at me like that !’ He shouted. “ I’m not a fucking fag, okay? I’m not a fag like _you_! I just want your race to be exterminated, don’t you remember? That’s the only reason I’ve been around you during all this time. Just to get how I could fool the Jews and make them disappear. So now, fuck _off_!”

Kyle seemed disturbed at first, laying on the mud, completely covered by that damp, brown and slimy substance. Cartman couldn’t see his face but he thought he was going to be pissed as hell… Enough to walk away. At least, he hoped so.

But Kyle didn’t react like he expected. Instead of leaving him, he straightened up and continued to look at him. His face turned in a sweeter expression.

“Cartman, I know you don’t mean it.” He said soflty.

“I mean it!” Cartman retorted. “All that I told you at the ball was bullshit ! Just… Just another way to use you.”

But Kyle didn’t look away.

“Please, don’t do this.”

Cartman disagreed.

“You think I love you, huh? You think I care about you ? About your gays speeches? Your stupid ugly face? I _hate_ you, Kahl, I hate everything about you. And I can’t bear when you’re around, acting like a fucking hero who knows everything about everyone, while you don’t. You’re nothing. I just want you to leave me alone. I don’t need you. I don’t need anybody! Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, sneaky jew rat!”

During some seconds, he thought Kyle was really going to leave. He prepared his heart to be broken forever.

But once again, he was wrong.

Kyle continued to stare at him, remembering all the time they spent together. With him and with the guys. He remembered them in preschool.

“Dude, let’s play firemen!” Baby Stan was declaring.

“Jews can’t be firemen.”

“Shut up, fatass!”

“Don’t call me fat, you stupid jew!”

And strange nostalgia warmed his heart by thinking how their little war started. Now he remembered. That day… They were playing together. Then Stan joined them and convinced Kyle to play with him. And Cartman reacted immediately when Kyle seemed to appreciate Stan’s company. That was exactly the moment when he began to insult him.

Cartman doesn’t know react differently than aggressively when he lose the control.

 _I never meant to make you feel like you didn't matter at all to me._ _I know we argue all the time and I give you tons of crap, but we've also been through a lot together, and... maybe that alone doesn't make us friends, but it makes us something. So...whatever, you know, just... ah I hope... things will be cool._

And now.. He was more deprived of control than ever. Instead of admitting what was really bothering him… He just… Defended himself like he always did.

 

“So that’s all you gonna do, huh? Running away? ” Kyle asked him darkly. “As always? You don’t know anything else than being a coward ?”

He wasn’t shouting. His voice was cold and calm, but so intense.

“You know what, Cartman?” Kyle continued. “I am sick of _this._ Look at me in the eyes. Look at me!”

But Cartman couldn’t look at him.

“That’s exactly what I thought.” Kyle observed. “You’re enable to look at me and tell me what you just told me. Because you don’t mean it. You just want to run. But guess what? I won’t let you run, this time.”

He heard him coming closer. Kyle caught his arm once again, more firmly this time.

“Tell me what you feel, for God’s sake!” Kyle begged through the rain’s noise.”Tell me what’s going on in your head! For once in your life, don’t try to play a stupid fucking role to fool people around you. It’s not working on me, you know? You don’t fool me for a second.”

The distress of not being able to broke his shell brought some angry tears on his cheeks.

“Now you _need_ to be sincere, to tell the truth about how you feel! Otherwise… No one will be able to do anything for you. And you’ll be really alone. Forever.”

That last word resonated in the air as a fatality.

A big, long and strangely calm silence invaded Stark’s Ponds. The rain slowly stopped to fall. The clouds progressively flied away. The sky turned a little lighter. The sinister fog erased and changed the dark lake into a blindly white lighting.

 _You’re_ _even_ _scaring me sometimes.._ Kyle’s voice resounded in Cartman’s memories. He raised his eyes to look at the sky.

“She didn't need…” he finally muttered.”… to love everything about me.”

Kyle, who were still holding on the brunet’s arm widened his eyes, alarmed by the end of this silence broken by the other’s voice. It was a tone of voice he never heard before from him. It was extremely low. He looked at him curiously.

“She’s allowed to be scared.” Cartman said. “Being scared is the proof you're facing my true self.”

He sighed.

“But my mom... was hiding behind the word 'love', and refused to see me. I wanted her to worry, to think about it… together. She didn't need to love my unpleasant appearance, or my terrible behavior... as long as she continued to live with me.”

An epiphany. This was an epiphany about all the questions Kyle always had about Cartman.

He understood everything now. Why he was with Heidi. Why he was behaving like a monster… With his absent father, and his abusive mother…

None of them really cared about him for real. It was just a selfish way to complete their loneliness. Cartman was a toy during all this time…

A mother should know that all the food of the world, all the presents and the money can’t keep a kid away from his troubles.

He was also a human. He needed attention. Not artificial attention. Something real. Something he could hold on to built his personality… Instead of that, he got nothing.

He always thought nobody never gave a shit about him… Until Kyle.

The fat boy turned himself to finally face him, as the sun started to show up. It made his wet red hair shining beautifully. And some tears rolled on the brunet’s cheeks, at this perfect view.

His little jew was more handsome now than he’s ever been before. Even with mud on his face and in his curls. Even though he’s completely wet and dirty… He was still perfect.

 _E_ _at together, study together, arguing all the time_.

Cartman’s hand came softly on the other’s face and he caressed his skin with all the tenderness he had in him.

This face…

This unforgettable face...

“I felt so dumb at the ball, Kahl” he smiled. “I never thought… I would get to hear someone saying what you said to me.”

He pulled Kyle closer to him. He needed his contact. He needed his arms wrapped around him, his chest against his, his head on his shoulder… He needed him so much.

“Kahl... “he muttered with teary eyes.

Kyle was crying too. He let the other boy throw him into his arms without any resistance.

“ _Kahl_ …” He repeated softer.

Kyle never seen Cartman opening himself like this before. It was like… All that he was keeping inside during all his life was suddenly out of his body… As tears.

And Kyle couldn’t let him go. He would never give up on him again.

“How can you still be there after everything I did ?” he moaned. “Why is it someone like you, who stay by my side, and cry with me? _Why_?”

Kyle hugged him harder.

“Because I love you, fatass.” he answered between two tears.

“I love you too” Cartman sobbed. “I’m so sorry for all that you went through because of me. I’m _so_ sorry...”

“Shut up, it doesn’t matter anymore. I’m here. I’ll never let you go. _Never._ ”

The lake was shining so brightly and everything around them was illuminating them.

  
  



End file.
